Hold on
by woopdeetah
Summary: Ryder is having trouble living by the words in his song. a Ryaine love story
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: i do not own glee, i just like to fan fiction about it is all...

Chapter 1: the rules of high school

Blaine

Okay so this is weird, i don't know what it was about him because, lets face it, he is only in grade 10 and i still had Kurt, and well I'm sure beyond a doubt that he is straight despite the whole unique thing. I wonder if he meant what he said about not coming back to glee. " Blaine... Blaine"

" Sam" i said with a warm smile. He looked at me weird and shook his head.

" are you okay dude? you have been off in space all lunch" i looked over his shoulder at Ryder, he was by himself at a lunch table. He always sat by himself, it was endearing, he was handsome part of glee and football and yet he seldom was scene with any friends, he and hake had been close once upon a time but that all changed after he kissed Marley. It made me almost sad. " Blaine!" Sam said with a light shove.

He followed my eyes. " do you think maybe we should ask Ryder to sit with us?"

" um why?" Sam asked confused. I scoffed looking at him unbelieving.

" why not?!" i asked " he is all by himself, and we are all on the same team after all"

" which team is that again?" Sam joked i punched his arm lightly.

" ha-ha" i said rolling my eyes.

" and he was on our team Blaine" he said with a shrug. " he quit"

" um if Kurt where here would he still be part of the team, would Rachel and Quinn and Mercedes?" Sam sucked his teeth at my stubbornness.

" that's different" he said.

" its not, its the same thing" i said with my arms crossed. " lots of people have quit and come back to glee for different reasons, Mercedes left almost the whole first semester at McKinley, i was told all of this stuff about how sassy diva she was and hello plot twist, she quits"

" if we go sit with him will you shut up?" he asked seriously.

I nodded and got up taking my tray with me. Sam had finished his food so he took his to the garbage. I walked over to Ryder's table, he spooned around his mac and cheese in contemplation. " hey mind if i sit?" he looked up his eyes were red and glossy, like he hadn't slept or was high or something.

" no, go ahead" he said, his demeanor changed a bit, he sat up straighter. " whats up?" i smiled and sat putting down my lunch, Sam came to the table and sat down too. " hey Sam"

" sup?" Sam said awkwardly. There was silence for a few minutes before Ryder studied us for a brief moment.

" so... did you want something?" he asked clearly confused by our presence. Was it that odd that two of his teammates would want to sit with him at lunch? It made me a little uncomfortable, in the almost full school year since Ryder had been at McKinley he had more downs than ups and this was due to not only being shut down by Marley but also wade's invasion of his personal space, which only turned him into the kid who got cat fished. He had confided in the group a deep scarred secret and they had thrown it back in his face Sam included. When i really did think about it, why would he want to sit with us at all.

" we just thought maybe you would want some company." i said, i realized how stupid it sounded. I didn't smile and he shrugged.

" i don't care" he said. Sam just sat there before deciding to get up.

" I'm gonna go to weight room, get in some lifting before gym class" he left the cafeteria, he could sometimes be a band wagon jumper. When Ryder left glee, glee had become team unique.

" why are you here?" he asked plainly. I could see the pain behind his eyes, the hurt he felt in his soul. He was in pain and no one cared, Marley the girl of his dreams didn't care, Jake didn't care unique cared once but now all of that was replaced by hatred. Obviously someone so over the top would make his refusal to accept her as Katie a homophobic thing.

" i guess you just looked sad, i thought... you know what its stupid i guess I'll just go" i said getting up.

" no... what, you thought what?" he asked. Clearly i had triggered something.

" are you okay, like i know that's a vague ting to ask, but are you like alright?" i asked. Until i asked it i hadn't realized how genuinely concerned i was about Ryder. " with everything"

We shared a look for a moment, it was just a few seconds but it was enough to know he was not okay, his eyes where glossing over and i could see real pain, he was not okay.

" I've got to go" he said getting up. My heart sank as he walked quickly away from the cafeteria.

How odd, or if read correctly predictable. I sat at Ryder's table alone with my lunch, i was okay with being alone with my thoughts. Most of the time my time was divided up between glee, Tina and Sam it was nice to have some quiet. But the haunting thoughts that went alone with it were fresh and scarey.

" messages" Mr .Schue said like a hallmark card. " sometimes the message you think you are sending is not the message that is coming across to others" we all looked around at each other. It was true i guess.

" that's what caller id is for" kitty said crossing her legs. Mr. Schue gave her a long hard look.

" that's why i want this weeks assignment to be sending a message" he said ignoring the girl completely. " who are you and what is your message?"

" so you just want us to be ourselves" Marley said like an innocent swan. " and let the music be our message"

" yes Marley, and i want all of you to sing it in front of the school" everyone began whispering, i just looked at the white board.

" so like is there going to be an Assembly or something?" Tina asked beside me.

" not necessarily, flash mobs and gorilla marketing are happening all the time, find a fun and creative way to send your message, and maybe we will find a replacement for Ryder among the students at this school" after that everyone's creative juices got flowing as to what they where going to do, groups where confirmed and others decided they would work alone. I didn't say anything. I was bothered.

Why were we being so quick to just replace Ryder with someone new, why was no one else seeing that Ryder was having some serious issues and we should be helping him and embracing him? But then again that was the assignment this week, maybe instead of trying to find someone new i should fix what was broken at regional's. " so what are we doing?" Sam asked, it annoyed me a little that he would just assume we would do something together.

" i think i might be doing my own thing" i said with a shrug.

" but you always do your own thing" Tina chimed in. " when are we ever going to do something together?"

" i wasn't talking to you" Sam said

" look this kind of assignment, sending a message of who you are... its not something you can do as a group, all of these guys, kitty, unique they all go into an assignment like its a competition. like there is something to be won"

" yeah like a solo" Tina said. She just didn't get it. No one did, Mr Schue didn't give us assignments to see who is better, he gave them to make us better, better emotionally better vocally and better musicians over all. I could only get better on my own.

" solos mean nothing to me" i said.

" easy for you to say since you get them all of the time" she said getting up. " thanks a lot Blaine." they both got up and crossed the room looking for someone else they can gloom off of in a search for success. What they didn't understand is there was no success for them if they followed the whim of someone else .

I loved both of my friends but sometimes it felt forced. I got up deciding i no longer needed to be here to move forward with my assignment and i made my way to the weight room to hit the punching bag around, it always helped to blow off steam and get me really inspired. When you are angry hitting something gets rid of your anger. But violence is not the answer, so the bag works the best. I heard a sharp intake of breath as i was leaving the shower and froze, i hadn't scene anyone come in when i was hitting but i could get centered and complacent to the things going on around me. I walked across the locker room towards the sinks, i stood at the end of a row of lockers and peered around the corner. It was Ryder. He was in tears and looking over his shoulder at his back in the mirror. He sniffed and wiped his eyes trying to see what ever it was that was causing him so much pain.

I looked at the mirror and saw the red mark on his left shoulder, my brow furrowed. I backed up a little bit and his head snapped up. " who's there?" he pulled his shirt on quickly. " I'm not messing around, please..." i stood in the shadows for a few seconds not sure what to do, i decided to walk from behind the lockers.

" I'm sorry" i said. " i just i..."

" just leave me alone" he said walking past me.

" no Ryder... wait, those burns... do you need help?" he stopped in his tracks and he turned around.

" i don't need your help" he said. I raised an eyebrow.

" then why did you turn around?" i asked. " look , i wont ask how you got it, i just... i have some cream, in my locker it helps burns, better than cold water" i could tell he wanted the cream. He nodded, i could almost see the relief on his face.

" shouldn't you be at glee?" he asked i could hear spite in his voice just slightly.

" shouldn't you?" i asked right back, it silenced him for a few moments.

" i don't belong there" he said . " no one there likes me"

i reached into my locker and grabbed the cylinder of cream. " of course they do" i said, i honestly didn't know if that was true , Marley was fake to me, she had strung Ryder along for a while and played with his head and even chose unique over him in all of this mess. Jake well there was tension there and Sam had taken a shining to him because he was Pucks brother. Ryder was alone a lot of the time. I suppose he and kitty talked but, kitty was awful.

" they all knew it was him/ her, i don't know" he said. " do you think you could..." he pulled the shirt over his head. I saw the burn up close, i winced and felt bad knowing it probably hurt him a lot. I put a dab of cream on my fingers and rubbed it lightly into his burn. The shape was odd, i had no idea what could have made the burn in the first place. Ryder groaned as the cream touched the burn. " shit dude, that feels really good" i felt a little odd, as a gay male Ryder with his shirt off was enough to turn me on, but the fact that i was rubbing cream into his shoulder and the noises he was making where sensual to say the least its safe to say i was a little aroused.

" why aren't you there anyway?" he asked suspicious.

" i don't know i guess i just wasn't feeling it today" i said " does it feel better?"

he nodded groaning again, clearly he hadn't had any access to this kind of stuff at home. "Blaine you just saved me life"

" I'm glad i could be of service" i said. I stopped rubbing his back and shook the nervousness out.

" i don't know, i guess i just feel like i don't fit in in glee" he said. " and i know its supposed to be this place where everyone is welcome but a lot of the time i just feel like I'm not" he looked at the burn in the mirror once more and i studied the round lines , i was baffled as to what had done it but i wasn't sure i wanted to know. For more reasons then i could count i was worrying about Ryder. And i understood in a way, the day Kurt graduated i had never felt more alone and unwelcome at McKinley and especially in glee.

He pulled the shirt over his head and i saw a real smile on his face for the first time in a while. " i know what that's like, look maybe do you want to hang out, go to a movie?" he frowned.

" i don't think i can" he said shaking his head. I felt the humiliation of rejection and then felt a hand on my shoulder. " i, its not that i don't want to... i just i cant" he walked past me and i touched the spot on my shoulder where his hand had been. So did that mean he did want to hang out, and why couldn't he? Ryder Lynn was a mystery, but for some reason i was drawn to the boy. I couldn't just give up.

I got in my car and drove home, my mom was cooking dinner, i went to my room quickly and well one thing led to another and well... i wiped up with a tissue and redressed, after rubbing that cream into Ryder's back i knew i had to release the tension, i went up stairs for dinner and my mother was sitting at the table. " hey Hun i left your dinner on the stove" i turned around towards the kitchen as soon as i got to the stove i stopped in my tracks. Stove, i looked down at the little burner and Ryder's scar flashed across my mind.

" yeah i think i am just gong to eat after" i said walking down stairs. The horrifying realization setting in.

" everything alright?" my father asked.

" yeah i just realized I'm not super hungry yet, I'm just going to go have a shower" i said lying, in truth i was a little traumatized and i just needed to hit something.

A/N: so excited about this one, the themes are dark as usual for me and once again you can expect updates most Tuesdays, i have often struggled with writing glee fan fiction but this idea just sort of came to me after i watched the last episode of last season, i had been behind in watching but when i dead i sort of gained this obsession with Ryder and where his cherecter will go... and for anyone following my HSM story the lost in life chronicles and is wondering when the sequel will be coming out i can tell you i have started it and you will see something soon...ish.


	2. Chapter 2

I love glee but i don't own it i just want to get my angst all over it in my own little ryain fantasy

Chapter 2: a friend in need is a friend in deed

Ryder

When i thought of Blaine, i hated myself. He was beautiful in so many ways and i never thought he would notice me. I wish he hadn't, but he had and i feel like i can't help myself especially after yesterday. Not that i hadn't already liked him from the second i met him, i even liked Kurt for what little its worth. Just as a person Blaine was incredible but on a completely different level i had strong feeling for him that made me fear my every step. I knew i was gay for a long time, since i was a little kid i just knew i liked boys. And ever since i was a little kid i lived in fear of that, because in my family you aren't gay, you just aren't and if you are, well there is treatment for that, long hard treatment. I had an exiled cousin, who was gay, he was my best friend and my favourite cousin and i found out the day my family stopped talking to him how much we had had in common.

When my baby sitter came on to me it was incredibly hard to deal with, where any other boy would have liked it i feared what i found unappealing. And when i had thought i had finally found a girl who understood me i found out it was just another boy, even if this boy was like a girl. I was hard on unique, i was but i thought i had cured it, i thought that i had found someone who could make all of this fear go away and i could be with her because she understood me and... i didn't know what to think, the whole idea sounded stupid to me now that i thought about it . I looked at the burn mark in the bathroom mirror it was still red and soar but i had been applying the cream every hour since Blaine had given it to me it had been the only relief i had gotten since i had gotten the burn.

I heard yelling from down stairs and knew my dad was digging at my mom, Saturday night flashed threw my mind . Some of the guys from the bar where over and my father wanted to show off. I was bringing laundry from the basement and glanced at the dining room table, all my father needed was that one look to start something. " don't you glare at me boy" he said, i walked away towards my room, " i was taking to you, you don't walk away from me when i am talking to you, in my house, under my roof?"

i stopped and turned around. He stood up from the table, all of his jackass friends egging him on. " teach him a lesson" " wouldn't be my son, he knows better" all drunk all dead beat fathers.

" its all them blackeys and faggots" my father said slurring. " that faggot breeder Hummle running for congress, what a fucking joke, my kid going to school with a bunch of..."

"that's enough" i said angrily . The room had gone silent. My father got out of his chair.

" what was that?" he asked.

" I'm sorry" i said, but he was already up and the stove was already hot. It was getting better. After a few days and it was getting less sore but it was still there, and would probably always be there. I had made a conscious effort not to let anyone else see it. Blaine had scene it , and he had not asked what it was from...yet. I left the bathroom and walked as quickly as i could to the door.

" were are you going"my dad asked clearly hungover and irritated. I stopped before i could get to the door.

" school" i said without turning around. I didn't want to see my mother crying in the kitchen, if i did i would start another fight with my dad and i would be going to school with a bruise.

" wait I'll give you a ride" he said. I sighed, i didn't want a ride from my dad, he was embarrassing and rude and i didn't want to talk to him.

" I'm already getting a ride" i said opening the door. My father had this way of getting drunk and doing things he regrets and then trying to make up for it the week threw, this was the worst one but it wasn't the only, cigarettes, buries from hard grips on my arm. And it was always followed by some weird affection. But i had heard the way he spoke to my mom this morning and i knew he wasn't turning a new leaf like it always seemed, he was just changing victims for the week until he could get drunk. I walked all the way to school and crossed the parking lot towards the door. " hey Ryder" Marley said as i walked past her and Jake against his bike. I nodded politely and kept walking. Jake said nothing just sitting against his motorcycle. Like we had never been friends at all. When i saw unique i walked past her and she glared at me with a sneer. I rolled my eyes. " walk away" she said pointing down the hallway. Others around her looked on or laughed. The catfish kid.

" you don't have to tell me twice" i said under my breath walking past the on lookers towards my first class.

It was still early so i just sat on the floor beside the door to my English class. I leaned my head against a locker and closed my eyes. I hated this place, i hated home , i had no where. I breathed in and out. How much longer would i be able to do this? How much longer can i live being hated and alone? I didn't want to cry, not in the hallway, i would never live that down the students at this school where just to judgemental and unforgiving. The warning bell went off and i got to my feet. People started showing up outside the class room Mr. Rodgers arrived before the crowd got to big and i made my way to the back corner like i always did, i wasn't good at English, the best i had ever gotten was when i was talking to Katie... i mean wade, unique ... i honestly didn't care.

" short stories are due at the end of class" Mr Rodgers barked as late comers flowed into the class. My head shot up, i had completely blanked and forgotten to write one. I got out of my seat and went to his desk.

" sir, do you think i could have one more night?" i asked quietly he looked up at me and breathed impatiently.

" Lynn is there a reason you can never get anything done on time?" he asked. It was true i would often times be late on assignments, i needed to start remembering to finish all of my homework but it gets hard when you live in my house. " i just cant keep making these expectations, I'll give you till three fifteen but after that I'm gonna have to give you an F" i sighed making my way back to my desk. ' okay everyone, Othello wont read its self, do we have a volunteer?"

I would have to start writing now, i would miss whats going on in Othello which would cause me to possibly fail the test but it wasn't as important as this story. I ended up sitting there all class conflicted about what i should write and ended up with nothing. Just before the bell i saw Blaine at the door waving to me from the window. It made me smile despite my situation.

" how was class?' he asked as soon as we filed out of the room and Mr. Rodgers had warned me about having my story in by the end of the day. I was most likely going to fail, i dint have enough time to write a story and keep up with my other classes, lunch was only an hour and that was not near enough time to write anything especially for me.

" bad, i dint do anything , i just worried about not getting an assignment done" i said walking down the hallway towards science.

" when is it due?" he asked keeping up with me.

" today, but he is letting me hand it in by the end of the day, thing is i haven't even started and i have no idea what i am going to do, I'll fail if i don't get it in" he bit his lip and sighed. Then a smile spread across his face. " what?"

" what do you have today, science, drama?" he asked

" and phys-ed" i said. " why?"

" you are look a little ill today" he said with a mischievous grin.

" are you suggesting i skip?" i asked,i wasn't sure that was a good idea.

" well that depends, can you afford to skip?" he asked. That was something i had not thought of.

" not science" i said, i was dissecting pigs today or something gross like that, something i had to be there for though. But drama was drama and gym well that was better avoided with my burns anyway. " i guess i could get in a couple of hours before the end of school" skipping two classes to make sure i did well in one might just screw me up worse but i needed to if i wanted to even pass English. After science i headed straight for the library without getting my lunch. I knew i needed to focus even if this story was complete shit it was still something. I had been staring at a blank page for the batter part of the first half hour when the music started. "_nananow_ _a diva is a female version of a hustla of a hustla of a of a hustla"_

Is this seriously happening right now? I looked around me like all of the other people trying to study as unique stormed into the library with Marley and kitty dancing behind her. I slammed my head in the desk in front of the computer. I noticed the rest of the glee club was there for the show. For whatever reason wade was dressed in sequence dancing and singing to Beyonce in the library and it would obviously be happening now when i needed to concentrate the most. Like honestly i must have done something really awful in a past life.

" dude lets get out of here" i heard from beside me. I took my head off of the table and saw Blaine sitting beside me. I took the invitation and we both left the library while the commotion was happening. I noticed a lingering look from Tina as we left.

" what was that about?" i asked.

" ugh, Mr. Schue gave us a glee assignment" he said in disgust. " it was all about sending a message and letting the song be your message and as usual its become something entirely different"

" its like you are reading my mind" i agreed. It was true none the less.

" i just feel like no one puts thought into what they do, okay so wade is a diva, we have gotten that a million times, instead of glorifying yourself try reaching out to another, the old glee club was not like this" it was clear he was uncomfortable with where the glee club had gone. " i thought Tina of all people would understand seeing as how she was a part of it from the beginning but even she is just as supercharger"

" and that's why i left" i said. " i wanted to sing about things that where real, i wanted to be a team i wanted friends" i felt so pathetic telling him all of this. " its stupid"

" its not" he said " i loved your performances. " everybody hurts was... beautiful"

i shrugged. " thanks" i really didn't know what to say.

For some reason i had completely forgotten we where walking and we found ourselves in the student parking lot. " why are we here?"

" i figured we could leave the school grounds before any one else randomly bursts into song" he said. " whatever it is you have due by the end of the day is going to get done and i am going to help you" i blushed, i didn't understand why Blaine was being so nice to me, all of the sudden out of the blue he was just being a friend i had not had all year and a part of me knew it was because of the burn. He felt sorry for me.

" why are you being so nice?" i asked. He looked taken aback. But i really wanted to know.

" i guess i just, realized how much cooler you are then the rest of the people in glee" he said genuinely. " I'm sorry it took you quitting to realize it, now do you want to go to my place or not?"

" why not?" i said getting into the passenger seat of his black ford focus.

Blaine lived in a pretty nice place in comparison to where i lived. But i had expected that considering the nice cloths he wears. " look my mom can be a bit over the top" he explained. It was funny hearing other people explain their parents to me, i don't think a lot of them appreciate what they have.

I sort of understood what he meant though as soon as i entered the house. " Blaine is that you, or is a burglar in the house coming to kill me?"

" its just me" he said " i brought a friend" meeting friends parents was always a little awkward for the first time because you never really know what to expect. But meeting the parents of the boy you had a crush on was even worse and we were both skipping class which to most parents in unacceptable.

Blaine's curly black haired mother poked her head around the corner from the kitchen. "well hello friend" she said walking towards us. " I'm brie Blaine's mother"

" mom this is Ryder" Blaine said saving me from actually having to say something. " the school is in a glee uproar and Ryder has an important assignment due by the end of the day"

" say no more" she said turning to me " and might i just say, you are very good looking Ryder"

" mom!" Blaine said but i just scoffed.

" thank you" i said flattered, i wish her son had the same enthusiasm.

" and a pretty voice too" she said " are you in glee?" it was the awkward moment where i wanted to say yes but couldn't because i was not longer in glee and it would be a lie. I wanted to say yes because it was easy not to explain why i am not in glee.

" yeah" Blaine said. " that's how we know each other" i silently thanked him for doing that for me. " so we are just going to go downstairs and get started if that is okay with you"

" oh yeah, of course" she said. " are you boys hungry or anyt..."

" mom" Blaine said as he walked towards the basement stairs.

" your mom is really nice dude" i said as Blaine threw his bag on his bed. I would know since my mom was hardly nice.

" yeah, she gets bored, shes a stay at home mom" he explained " and now that my mother is gone and i am about to leave... its times like these where she is in her glory"

" at least she cooks for you" i said, i don't know why i said it. It wasn't like Blaine was complaining. Maybe it was out of my own jealousy but in wish i had what Blaine has. " and what do you mean by leaving ?"

" well, i applied for nyada so if i get in.."

" right, you will get to live the big city dream" i said.

" maybe... Kurt didn't get in his first time, i might not either" he said in doubt. I shook my head.

" you are the most talented person in glee" i said, and i agreed with every word i said. "you will get in for sure He blushed and sat down at his desk, i sat on his bed and he spun around in the computer chair.

" so this assignment" he said " what is it?"

" its a short story, it can be on any topic but it has to be three and a half pages at least" i said biting my lip. " thing is i have no idea what to write about" he knocked a bunch of books off of a stool beside his dest and i sat beside him looking at the computer screen. '

" well write about things you like, things you know" he said opening a word document " what do you like?"

" well i guess i like foot ball" he said " i like superheros, comic books and stuff" its funny when you are put on the spot to come up with a list of your interests how little you come up with. " i guess music too, and game of thrones"

" well everyone likes game of thrones" he said " so why don't you write about a bard superhero who fights evil with his harp be creative"

though the idea was a little out there we brain stormed for about an hour and i had come up with a pretty solid idea for a story. It was about a boy who used music to crate a world where he is a hero in his head to escape from the trauma of his life. It ended up being about 7 pages and we had it done at quarter to 3. Blaine proofread it one last time and then gave me a searching look.

" what?" i asked.

" Ryder this story, its really good" he said " like really good"

" well i had your help" i said.

" yeah i helped you plan it and edit it but this story, it was your idea, all of the metaphors and allegory's are all you this is really good writing... is this the first time you have ever written?"

" well no , I'm always write stuff, its just ... its stupid, i cant even spell" i said blushing.

" that's what spell check is for" he said. " you should be doing this for like a living, have you looked into schools a future in creative writing?"

" its just, i don't know its just a thing i do" i said not knowing what else to say, i liked writing sometimes, it helped me get the stress and anxiety out that's all it was though. " i couldn't even afford to go to university"

" they have scholarships too Ryder" he said i kind of wished he would just stop saying all of this stuff, i hated when people would say tings that got my hopes up because realistically it was never going to happen for me.

" yeah well maybe we should get back to school " i said squashing the conversation Blaine printed the story and we got back to school just before class was ending. Class was filing out and Jake and Marley where a part of the group. Blaine stood behind me as we waited at the door.

" hey Ryder, hey Blaine" she said as if she hadn't expected Blaine to be here. Because why would he? " we missed you guys today at unique's performance.

" yeah i had a lot of home work i had to catch up on" i said.

" what about you Blaine, why weren't you there?" Jake asked. " unique could have used your support"

" i was helping Ryder" Blaine said. " I'm sure unique did great without me there" Marley smiled like a nun but otherwise the conversation was over, after the class was completely empty i walked in while Blaine stood by the door.

" Lynn i have to say i didn't expect to be seeing you" Mr. Rodgers said. " what do you have for me?"

" it needed editing" i said " Blaine helped me with that" i looked back at Blaine he waved at Mr. Rodgers. He peered down at the story and flipped threw it.

" 7 pages , impressive but i thought you said you needed more time" he said.

I didn't want to get caught skipping but i was not good at coming up with lies. I heard Blaine step forward.

" he had it finished" Blaine said. " it just needed editing, a lot of editing"

" yeah, that sounds like Ryder" he said looking at me with a strange mix of pitty and disappointment. It was the reason a lot of my papers and assignments got bad marks.

" i really hope this makes up for it" i said. I left the class room without another word.

A/N: chapter two up, I'm surprised at how many views this story has gotten but i usually write HSM so i guess glee has a much bigger fan base. This story like any story i have written has a few dark themes. If you couldn't guess by now racism and homophobia are the main ones so if you are uncomfortable with that then i suggest you don't read further. I will hopefully have a new chapter up next week.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: i do not own glee but if Blake Jenner is not on the next season of glee i might bomb it... just saying.

Chapter 3: the science of selling your self short

Blaine

Ryder's story had been on my mind all night and all threw the first two periods of school. By lunch i was tempted to go home just to read the saved draft on my computer. Besides the fact that it was amazing, Ryder was the one who had written it. I never knew he was that good and a testament of that was the fact that i was still thinking about it now. If only he knew how good he was. " you better watch out" i heard from beside me. " i saw you leave with Ryder yesterday and he is all kinds of ignorant" i turned to unique and deadpanned.

" honestly unique cant you just stop this" i said tired and fed up with the whole thing. The drama the stupid feuds he was starting, it was really starting to annoy me.

" all I'm saying is i am not going to be ashamed of who i am" he said with a snap " i dont need anyone putting down who i am"

I wanted to roll my eyes at the things that where coming out of her mouth. " unique, you are all girl by every right, but physically you are a boy, who posed as a girl to get to know another boy, a straight boy... him not reciprocating your feelings is not his fault and it is not homophobic, turning the club against him what is it proving?" i asked " that glee club is not as accepting as it was when it welcome you into its ranks?" for a second i thought i saw something real but her false diva demeanour plastered over it quick.

" my talent got me into the glee club" she said matter of factually

" and the fact that you are different" i said. She sucked her teeth, and sneered.

" all i am saying is you better watch out" she said.

" I'm not worried about Ryder" i said shaking my head and shutting my locker ready to end this conversation.

" and maybe i am not talking about Ryder" she said turning around and walking wherever she was going. I stood in the middle of the busy hallway stunned. What exactly was unique implying, was that some sort of threat?

" hey buddy" i jumped startled and a little raddled. I turned to see Finn, a wave of relief fell over me. " whoa there its just me"

" sorry" i said " i was just lost in space"

" i know what you mean man" he said fanning himself with his hand. " its freaking hot out" he was correct in that, it was extremely hot out now that we where entering June. And with nationals in Las Vegas in two weeks it was good preparation for Nevada which is no doubt a much hotter state that Ohio in the summer.

" so inside scoop who is preforming today so i can avoid it?" i asked. Finn scoffed.

" come on man they aren't all bad" Finn said and it was true, Joe was still pretty cool and sugar was oblivious but sweet when she wanted to be.

" i don't know i guess i just miss the old days" i said. " i know i wasn't around for the beginning but i miss Rachel and Santana and since Brittney has left i feel like everything the club once was has changed"

" the glee club has scene its fare share of drama, you know that as well as i do" he said " i just don't want you giving up on it, change can sometimes be good"

i wish i could see things his way but i couldn't bring myself to. Not after what i just went threw with unique. Clearly she was out for blood and anyone who even talked to Ryder was on her hit list. But how was i supposed to stand here and tell Finn that?

" i guess you are right" i said.

" but i think kitty is up today" he said, kitty... even though i hated the bitch i knew this was one i wanted to see. What sort of show this would be. " quad in forty five minutes. And listen Rachel and Kurt and Santana are coming home next week and we are having a pool party, you wanna come"

"yeah sure, i will make sure i am there." i said elated at the news as i went to the cafeteria to get my lunch, Ryder was already alone at a table. " hey"

" sup?' he said not looking up from is note book he was scratching away with a pen.

" writing that story get you inspired?" i asked cutting my tuna sandwich into four little squares like my mom would make it.

" sorry" he said putting down the pen. " i guess i have been getting a little carried away, I've just had a lot of ideas since yesterday and i don't know i guess there is no better way to start then to write them down right?"

" I'm glad you have found something you like" i said genuinely, clearly over night there had been a change in his attitude. But that didn't change the painful truth that Ryder's burn was the result of his shoulder being pressed to the burner of a stove and the idea that someone could have done it to him seemed to be popping up in my head all the time. It kept me up at night twice in a row and that didn't help with all of this craziness with wade and on top of that i had no idea what i was going to sing in front of the whole school.

" thank you you know for being a friend" he said " i wish i could return the favour"

" just being there for a friend is enough" i said, but sometimes it didn't feel like enough sometimes the tension was to much and i wished it could be something more, he was gorgeous and his quarks and awkwardness made him ever more adorable. He was the kind of guy who should stand out in a crown but here he was sinking deeper and deeper into it. Maybe this writing thing could help.

" so do you maybe want to hang out after school?" i asked. I don't know why i was doing this to myself but at this point a friendship couldn't hurt and even though i had had feelings for Sam once didn't mean i still did. And maybe the same would happen with Ryder. But for now i was testing the waters.

" i would like that very much" he said " i need a reason to get out of my house these days" my eye darted to his shoulder and he looked where i was looking until he realized where that was. " not because of my shoulder" i nodded saying nothing on the matter. " that was just a stupid accident" i could see the nervousness in his face.

" so i am going to the quad today to see kitty do her performance" i said he frowned.

" yeah i guess you have to show up to at least one performance right?" he said with a disappointed grin. " well i guess i can get back to my writing then." he seemed a little disappointed or maybe he was just put off because his burn got brought up, it obviously bothered him and even though all i had was speculation i still had this weight in my head telling me this was a huge problem. But i couldn't force him to do anything he would just run.

" okay , you sure you don't want to come?" i asked " we can make faces at kitty to throw her off" he scoffed but declined.

" I'd rather not" he said picking his pen back up and turning to the page in his notebook where he had left off. I guess i had to respect that. After i was finished eating i got up and made my way to the quad.

" Blaine" i turned to see Marley walking beside me. " i saw you talking to Ryder and ..."

" and what?" i asked annoyed " i should stop talking to him or else?"

She looked at me perplexed. " no, its not like that at all, I'm just... I'm worried about him okay, i know i am with Jake and he is hurt by that but i still want to be his friend and he is just freezing me out, i just want to know how he is"

she felt bad and i could give her that but was she so oblivious that she didn't see how much she was hurting him still. " i get it Marley, i do but you hurt him a lot, not just with Jake but how you handled the whole unique situation it was bad and it hurt him and i don't really blame him for freezing you out" she looked hurt more than anything but not angry. Sometimes i felt like Marley was not fake and just was pure and innocent and everything she did wrong she did because she was sticking up for a friend even if it was at the expense of another friend.

" i wish i could take it back, i worry about him but all Jake ever does is get jealous and angry when i bring him up. Like they where never friends at all." she said sighing. " could you maybe talk to him about maybe talking to me?"

" i don't know, sometimes i feel like even i am sitting on the edge with him, i think he likes his solitude for whatever reason" was i lying to her when i said that? Would he want to talk to Marley , would he jump at the opportunity? And what would that mean for us. I couldn't do it, not to him i needed to do this just to see if maybe it will make him happy maybe it will mend the bridge back to glee. " but i will tell him, for you and for him i will"

" thanks" she said putting a comforting arm around my shoulder. " wanna sit with me in the quad. I was tempted to say yes but wondered if unique would be there, i was disappointed to find she was when we arrived. But i also noticed Sam and deiced to wave him over so i wouldn't be stuck with Marley and wade who had pretty much threatened me this morning. But her face said it all as we approached together that as long i was friends with Ryder i was on the outs with her, which was fine with me i was not afraid of her or her bully tactics.

" so are you down to go to the mall after school?" Sam asked.

Of course he would ask me this after i had already made plans with Ryder. But was that still a plan would he want to after what had just happened with his shoulder? God every time i see him i just want to pull him into my arms and hug him tight. " i cant, I've made plans" i said

" okay, tomorrow maybe?" he asked. He was asking me because he didn't have a car to drive himself.

" yeah maybe" i said looking around the quad for kitty i spotted her at a table with Jake and Joe. Clearly they where a part of her act. Suddenly the familiar sound of ska filled the air. Trumpets and bongo drums and a not so familiar tune filled the quad. This was around the time that a lot of people started to look or crowd around the doors of the school to watch.

" _I've come to my senses,that I've become senseless, and i could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships" everyone_ swayed to the beat as kitty sang the less than Jake song that it seems she had thought threw The message she was trying to send. I guess sometimes she could be mean and condescending but glee was helping her. So why was it not helping Ryder?

_Ill sing along _,_ yeah with every emergency, just sing along, I'm the queen of catastrophes"_ she sang and i had to admit even i was swaying to the beat. I couldn't help but feel the irony that i had sold kitty short a thousand times and i expected this to be just as superficial as unique's performance but it was actually really great. "I'm_ so far gone, that deep down inside i think its fine by me, I'm my own worst enemy" _

i wondered if anyone else noticed how closely the song actually related to kitty, if they maybe took anything form this performance and realized they had so much more to offer than just what they thought others wanted to see. by the rest of the club, we shared a brief look of admiration before turning to the rest of the girls. Afternoon classes went by really quickly for some reason but when i felt class i noticed i had a text from Ryder.

**Sry cnt hangout aftr school smthng cam up**

I sighed, i really wanted to hang out with Ryder today, do something that didn't involve school, have a real conversation. But clearly Ryder prefers to be alone and i cant say i didn't try. But i was not going to make a fool of myself trying to be someones friend who clearly just didn't want to be friends. No matter how hard you push a brick wall its not going to fall over. I made my way to my locker oblivious as to what i wanted to do with myself now that my afternoon plans where ruined. " Anderson" i heard as i was rummaging threw my locker. I turned around to see Mr. Rodgers marching down the hall towards me. What was it now?

" Mr. Rodgers, everything okay?" i asked confused as to what had him so on edge.

" now i want you to be honest with me" he said " did you write this story for Ryder?" he held out the seven page story bent in half. I couldn't really believe this was actually being asked of me.

" of course not, i mean i helped him brainstorm and edit and that's all but everything else was him" i said " honest, i would never plagiarize sir not with nyada on the line"

" i believe you" he said with a devilish smile. " this story, you read it then?"

" its good inst it? i asked, i knew i thought it was good, but he was the teacher.

" yes, its good" he said without revealing too much. " look can you bring this to him, i cant seem to find him around here" he said giving me the story marked with an A+ i smiled knowing he was going to be so happy he had gotten an A.

" sure thing sir right away" i said.

" and tell him to come see me" he said " i want to talk to him about some things" i nodded and shut my locker for the day. We both made our way to the separate teacher and student parking lots and i sat behind the wheel of my car and read Ryder's story again, i read Mr Rodgers notes of praise and i felt elated knowing that this could be a turn around for Ryder.

I decided if he wasn't here then i would go to him. I drove over to his house, i knew where it was because he was among the people i had dropped off after regionals. I parked down the street from his house on the street and walked over. The closer i got the more uneasy i felt, i didn't much about Ryder's home life and i was starting to learn threw little breaks in armour.

I walked towards the door. " that's all i ever hear, i don't know, i guess, i cant!" i heard a man yell " do you have a fucking brain in your head kid?" i stopped in my tracks. " but once again it all falls on my shoulder... don't you fucking smirk at me like that!" i heard a spice of furniture move a table or a chair, then a glass shatter and i wanted to turn around and walk back to my car and pretend i had never come here pretend i had never heard what i heard but i couldn't Ryder was in there and he was alone and scared and i needed to help him.

" who the hell are you?" said a woman threw the screen door. It was to late to leave even if i wanted to.

" hi... I'm Blaine" i said nervously. " I'm Ryder's friend from school" her demeanour changed instantly.

" oh, Blaine Ryder hasn't talked about you, are you on the foot ball team?" she asked.

" what are you doing here?" both of us turned towards the door. Ryder was standing there his eyes in tears.

" Ryder honey, its Blaine from school" my mom said. " your friend"

he pushed the door open and walked down the path towards me.

" why are you here?" he asked venom in his voice, i was a little startled by the whole situation and his anger didn't help.

" i... Mr. Rodgers" i said " he graded your assignment" Ryder snatched it from my hand and i looked over my shoulder wishing i i could crawl into a hole and die.

" Ryder do you want to invite Blaine i..." his mother started

" no!" he barked " i don't want him to come in" it felt like a shot to the stomach, i felt stupid. I started backing up.

" Ryder!" his mom said " that's no way to treat your friend" i shook my head.

" its okay, ill just go" i turned around and walked as quickly and i could to my car not looking back.

A/N: another chapter and the plot thickens , if you have never heard the song the science of selling yourself short by less than Jake i suggest you look it up, its pretty good. And don't forget to review, i would love to hear what some of you think about the story so far =D and check out some of my other stories if you like hsm.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: i do not own glee or anything to do with it.

Chapter 4: this ain't no pitty party

Ryder

I cried myself to sleep last night, Blaine wasn't supposed to come here. he wasn't supposed hear what he had heard. I didn't want his pity, i didn't want him to worry about me and i didn't want him to see how my life was outside of school. Now he probably knew the burn was from my dad and i wasn't sure i wanted to even see Blaine again. I walked into school groggy and walked right into a dance number during Tina's surprise performance of we are young by Tulisa. I walked right past it and the dancing people. " not enjoying the show?" i turned around to see kitty waling behind me. " you cant honestly say you don't miss that?" she pointed back to the commotion in the entrance hall. _I'll make mistakes that i learn from. Cause I'm young , yeah I'm young._

" well you are all glee gung-ho now kitty , don't you have have someones dress to take in or a savagely racist or closed minded opinion to share with everyone?" i said stopping at my locker. I honestly just wanted to get this day started so it would be over as soon as possible and kitty was of course being a pain in my ass.

" now, now play nice Manti te'o" she said i clenched my teeth. " look, i know i can be a bitch but I'm an observant bitch and you have been miserable since you left"

" that's where you're wrong" i said " i was miserable before i left"

" and you still are" she said " quitting did nothing for you"

" and staying did less" i said she slouched " look i wasn't getting the same thing's everyone else was getting i didn't have the same sense of team unity"

" oh boo hoo" she said " look Ryder, we are a team and we need you, stop crying about spilt milk and buck up"

" wow that's more like it" i said shunting my locker.

" look I'm sorry Ryder its just, with Britney gone we are at 11 and then you quit and we are at 10 and we don't qualify for nationals if we don't have a full team" she argued. " how can you be so selfish?" i stopped dead and turned towards her.

" do you forget when you made Marley think she was fat?" i asked enraged that she would dare call me selfish. " to the point that she passed out from not eating and we lost sectionals?"

she cowered a little bit and i felt a had on my shoulder. " dude backup" i turned around to see Jake and pushed his hand off of my shoulder walking away towards class i walked passed Marley and unique. Marley looked worried unique looked satisfied.

" stay out of it Jake" i head kitty say but i didn't hear his response because i had turned the corner. Why did everyday have to be such a challenge? I sat outside my art class and waited for the bell to ring. I pulled out my note book. I had awful handwriting but as long as i could understand it i didn't care what anyone said. Its probably best no one can read it, i have basically been writing about my surroundings and then i just started with how it all started how this depression all started.

It was leading me to dark places but it was therapeutic in a way. I did feel bad about how i treated Blaine. I didn't want him to judge me, or my family and i had been rude, but i was also scared. Blaine was the only thing keeping me going and he had no idea. He had helped me get an A the first one i had ever gotten and he was well , he was my only friend at the moment, no matter how brief. I had fucked it up...

art was art, we where assigned to do a children's book which felt a little elementary but i had to remind myself of the amount of burn outs and 12th graders there where in this class that no one was looking to be a professional artist. I supposed it worked out it appeals to my new found hobby of writing and i wasn't half bad at drawing. I knew it was any easy one. I had gym then drama and history but i really wanted to avoid gym, it was the only class i was passing with flying colours so i wasn't worried about missing a few towards the end of the year, the exam was physical after all. Besides my burn, i really didn't want to see Jake. I decided i would just sit under the bleachers and write but i had to go out the back doors so as not to be scene by Beiste. I turned the corner towards the door and ran right into the last person i wanted to see.

" hi" Blaine said , he had an empathetic smile which just made things worse. There was a long silence, i didn't know how to explain myself and he didn't know how to address the issue.

" I'm so sorry" i spilled humiliated . " I just, i... i cant explain myself"

" its okay" he said.

" no its not" i disagreed. " i shouldn't have been so rude, i just , its complicated"

" i said its okay" he said with a shrug. I let out a bit of a sigh of relief but was it really okay? I know he is saying that but does he really feel that way after he heard me and my father arguing after i snapped and my mother fronted like we where a happy family, after the burn? Was everything not adding up for him or had it and he just didn't care? And if he didn't care?

" look i think, i mean, can we talk?" i asked. I needed to get all of this off of my chest before it swallowed me whole. He grinned but it didn't reach his eyes and i felt that maybe i had lost him.

" yeah i think that would be nice" he said " but right now i am skipping class so i better get out of here"

" oh, well I'm skipping too, gym you know?" he nodded his understanding. " why are you skipping?"

He smiled like a little schoolboy. " I'm meeting Kurt at the Lima bean for coffee" he said , i felt my heart sink. I had completely forgotten that there was another boy who Blaine was completely in love with and that next to him i was just a joke. " he just got back in from new york"

" oh well, i guess you are excited then" i said wanting to be optimistic for his sake. He nodded.

" but i unfortunately have to meet his new boyfriend Adam" Blaine said. I was a little shocked he still managed to smile and act normal knowing his boyfriend or ex boyfriend was flaunting his new boyfriend in his face. Part of me wished i had the courage to tell Blaine how i felt than maybe this would be easier for him.

" how are you functioning?" i asked

" yoga helps keep me cool and collected" he joked.

" do you...?" i asked but then i felt stupid for asking. " never mind"

" no what is it?" he pushed.

" do you want some back up?" i asked. " i mean i know i don't really know Kurt but i don't want you walking into this alone, your ex ,his boyfriend, you it spells out disaster in my books"

" or just completely awkward small talk" he said " i guess i am in way over my head, I'm the one who wanted this meeting, i wanted to show him i was over him and moving on, i don't know sometimes i feel like this ideal that me and Kurt are going to grow old together is just a fairy tale" he sounded and looked pathetic and i felt for him since i was him and he was Kurt, at least in my situation he was. To me anything i could have with Blaine was a complete fairy tale.

" i mean if you don't mind" he said " and then maybe we can go and talk for lunch?" i nodded and we walked towards his car not for the first time this week. Sodomites i Wondered what was going on with his own friends that he had developed such an interest in me, and if he would drop me if things got resolved, i knew Blaine was a great guy but i still didn't understand where this sudden interest in being my friend came from.

I was putting myself in a pretty awkward situation with this one but i was doing it for Blaine and because i didn't want to go to phys ed.

It was awkward to say the least, having coffee with Kurt and Blaine and Kurt's boyfriend. "so did you hear back from nyada yet?" Kurt asked. " you are going to love it"

Blaine looked like a deer caught in the headlights, seeing how easy it was for Kurt to be here with him as friends left him gobsmacked because clearly it wasn't as easy for him to move on.

" no... not yet" he said gently sipping his late. " but soon i guess"

" you will get in for sure Blaine" Kurt said. Blaine nodded politely but inside i knew he was falling apart. I looked between the two of them. I wish i knew how to defuse the situation, but i was already pretty socially awkward. It was just as hard for me to put into reality that in a few short months Blaine was going to leave Lima for good and i would be nothing but an old face.

" so Finn told me about the barbeque" he said changing the opinion from nyada, i knew he was nervous about it.

" oh" Kurt said taken off guard. " yes, the barbeque, yeah everyone should be there, well except Brittney, shes off at MIT for god knows what reason" to be honest i didn't know Kurt or Adam so i felt extremely uncomfortable in this situation. I was a socially awkward person already, but in this situation i felt completely at a loss for words. I felt like Adam and i should have sat this one out.

" should i bring anything?" he asked.

" just yourself and well Ryder maybe if you would like to come?" he said my head snapped in his direction.

" really?" i asked surprised at the invitation. He nodded

" sure why not" i wasn't sure i was actually going to go but the fact that i was being invited was weird to me, Finn would be there and he was like a teacher. Blaine looked on expectantly, clearly he wanted me to go but i wasn't sure.

" maybe" i said " I'll have to ask" i realized how lame it sounded when it came out. " i mean..."

" i forgot how young you are" Kurt said . " you look a lot older for your age Ryder" i guess it was the stress that was ageing me. I held a tight smile. I was two years younger than Blaine and three years younger than Kurt which was not a whole lot, but i guess when you leave home and live on your own, you do a lot of growing up and even people just a few years younger then you become a completely different species.

" he is more mature too" Blaine provided. " don't even get me started on some of the other people in glee now"

" they cant all be bad" Adam said.

" its just not the glee that it used to be" he said looking boldly at Kurt, i could see the frustration in Kurt's eyes. I wondered where it was from, was i reading it correct was Kurt fed up with Blaine? But how? Why?

" change is good Blaine" Kurt said " maybe you should try and embrace it" he shrugged not knowing how to respond. I wonder if Kurt had known about about catfish, if Blaine had told him, would he have sat by and been okay with what unique had done would he see it differently like Blaine had?

We left the cafe and got back into Blaine's car silently. Kurt and Adam had decided to stay at the Lima bean a little longer and i think Blaine had had enough for one day. When we got to the car he leaned his head against the steering wheel.

" you okay?" i asked. He shook his head, i heard a sniff or two and knew he was crying, i put a reassuring hand on his back. " i get it"

" no, I'm such an idiot" he said " I'm just... an idiot" i shook my head. And squeezed his shoulder, i don't think i had ever been this close to Blaine before.

" you aren't an idiot, you and Kurt were once in love, its okay to feel like this after seeing them, i get it" i said, and i did. It was hard to see someone moving on when you knew you still had real feelings for them, it was how i felt when Marley picked Jake.

" i bought him a ring" he said pathetically. " a week before regionals i bought him a ring because i was going to ask him to marry me" i felt a mix of jealousy and sympathy. I was not asking for a marriage proposal but i did like Blaine a lot and to knew he loved Kurt enough to ask for his hand in marriage it made me feel hopeless. " and now..."

i didn't even know how to respond , there was nothing i could really say to defuse the situation. I didn't know how to tell the truth yet reassure him things where going to be okay at the same time. It was almost lunch time when we got to the school so we just made our way to the cafeteria. The line had not started yet so we just went up to the counter. I loved Marley's mom Millie, she allays gave me a bigger helping of food for some reason.

" hello Ryder" she said mixing the meat in the sloppy joes.

" hi Millie"

" a little early today aren't we?" sh asked " and Blaine?"

" its a glee thing" Blaine said.

| i thought you weren't in glee anymore Ryder" i shrugged.

" my teacher just let out class five minutes early" she loped the food down on my plate with a smile but i knew she knew i was skipping.

" well i hear there is going to be a show today" she said " a little inside scoop from Marley"

i wanted to roll my eyes, Tina's performance was not enough for one day we had to hear more. Its not even like i didn't want to see it, i just wanted to avoid unique at all cost.

" do you want to go eat in the quad?" Blaine asked. " i know you said you wanted to talk"

i shook my head putting my trey down on the table.

" its cool we can talk later, its not a big deal anyway" his face said he didn't believe it, but hopefully Blaine would let it go as he so often did. frustrate him and i did want to tell him the truth about everything but i was scared and i dint know how i could. More students started filing into the cafeteria and i spotted Sam and Artie walking towards us. mind if we join you for a few minutes?" Sam asked

" until we start?" Artie added in.

" so its you guys today" Blaine said. " I'm existed"

" well its not like you have been there for many of them" Sam said bitterly. Blaine frowned. And the conversation changed to the last of us which Artie had just gotten for his play station 3. video games where a topic i could talk about.

Once the cafeteria was good and full Sam and Artie prepared themselves. " what are you guys singing anyway?" i asked.

" you will see" Artie said. " its sort of Sam's message in this one. Hey Sam Evans can we go thrift shopping"

the two boys jumped on top of the table and the biggest song of the year started filling the cafeteria. "_what what what what I'm gonna pop some tags only got $20 in my pocket i-i I'm huntin lookin for a come up this is freaking awesome!" _Artie sang leading Sam into rapping along to macklemore. It was funny and self deprecating for his situation while being completely relevant. I couldn't deny it was entertaining and the whole cafeteria was on their feet. I could see Tina seething across the cafeteria knowing that her performance had not gotten the same buzz.

" that was amazing" Blaine said once they had finished. The rest of the club came over to us and suddenly i felt extremely out of place. Blaine was busy congratulating his best friend and i backed away from the whole situation. I wasn't a part of that anymore.

" feeling like the odd man out?"

" what do you want kitty?"

" i want you to stop being an emo and come back to glee" she said bluntly.

" i don't have to listen to this" i said brushing past her.

" Ryder, she said following me out of the cafeteria. " Ryder please, everyone has had issues this year, Marley, Jake even unique there was a shooting for gods sake"

" this is different" i said " and the shooting wasn't real, it was coach Sylvester's gun"

" did it change how real it felt?" it didn't. And it didn't change how worried i was about Katie, about unique. " look i get it what unique did was messed up, like misery messed up but what do you want everyone to do, kick her out of the group? She is still a part of the team and so are you, why are you being so stupid?"

" i never asked you to kick her out of the team, i left on my own and i never asked for anyone to care so what makes you think i need you to convince me to come back?" i said coldly. " i wanted to be done with all of you but all i got was unique's slander and weird looks from everyone in the club, just leave me the hell alone and stop trying to help because you aren't!"

i turned to walk away and saw the rest of glee standing at the doors to the cafeteria watching the altercation. Of course they would all be here now, just when i had been pushed to my limit and getting angry, as if they hadn't already thought i was crazy now they were all here to see it again. Blaine was among them and i felt a stab of hurt, he was still a part of the team and i wasn't. I walked away and kitty stood there clearly annoyed. I had no idea where i was going, i just knew i wanted to leave. I heard foot steps walking behind me.

" hey" i heard Blaine say. Even though it was reassuring to know he had come after me instead of consoling kitty like the rest of the club was no doubt doing i still didn't want to have explain myself to him. I ignored him and kept walking. " Ryder!" he called but i just kept walking all the way out of the school.

A/N: one day early, hope you enjoyed it. Until next week...


	5. Chapter 5

I not own glee i just tell a better story with its characters and manage not to brush big plot lines under the rug in the next episode. Like where dose Sam Evans live since season 3? like really?

Chapter 5: clarity = comfort

Blaine

This would be the third time i have looked at the clock only for it to say 1:45. the hours where going by slow and i couldn't fall asleep if my life depended on it. I was to stressed, stressed with Kurt and Adam and the relationship they had that i no longer had. Then there was Ryder, This boy was a frustration and a heart wrenching concern at the same time, all of this stuff with glee it was eating him up and no one even knew what was going on at home, no one knew about the abuse. At first i felt like i was jumping the gun but then i had gone to his house and met his mother and heard the anger in his father threw the screen door. I realized it was not anger that led him to be mean to me that day but fear he had been afraid that i wouldn't want to be his friend if i knew or that i would judge him or any of the other many possibilities and complications.

I just hope he doesn't think that now, i told Jake to cut him some slack but for some reason he has it out for Ryder, there had always been tension there and now it was like Jake had found his excuse to have it out. "look man this is the second time today i have scene him yelling at kitty"

" as if that was unprovoked" i had said in the hallway. " look leave him alone Jake, he hasn't done anything wrong and you don't know what he is going threw"

" and you do?" he asked. I didn't know how to answer that question because i didn't know, because Ryder never opened up. But it was a puzzle with just a few missing pieces at this point and i thought at school yesterday he was going to tell me the truth but i think he scared himself out of it and that was the part that was becoming frustrating, there is only so much i can look past before i ask for the truth. My eyes snapped open at the buzzing vibration of my cellphone. I looked at the clock and saw 2:20 i had actually fallen asleep. And now i was waking up to a phone call but who the hell was calling this late, or early rather? My vision blurred and the light was too bright for my eyes to see who the caller was so i answered blindly.

" hello?" i asked groggy into the phone.

"Blaine ?" i head a scratchy voice say on the other line. " it..its Ryder" i head him sniff and sat up right in my bed. As soon as i head his voice i knew something was wrong and a wave of anxiety coursed threw me.

" Ryder whats wrong?" i asked trying to steady my voice so i didn't sound too worried.

I heard him sniff again and i felt my hart break a little. " i know its late, i don't know could i maybe..."

" what?" i asked " Ryder you know me you can ask me anything"

" can i crash at your place?" he asked " i don't really have anywhere else i can go" i sighed knowing i couldn't refuse and nor did i want to, even though he was clearly distraught and in need of a place to stay , there was the underlining attraction that pushed me that extra step further. I was his only option.

" sure, yeah come on over" i said getting out of my bed and pulling on an undershirt. I was still in my underwear but it was getting hot.

" I'm already outside" he said to my surprise. " sorry"

" don't apologize" i said " i guess you knew i would say yes, I'll be right up" i hung up my phone and climbed the stairs. I realized upon getting upstairs that it was raining and i felt another pang of pity for Ryder. When i opened the door he was there in a hoodie soaking from head to foot. His head was hanging and what i thought was shadows concealing his face was actually a large bruise on the side of his face and eye. I staggered back in horror before grabbing his arm and pulling him inside my house. " Jesus Ryder, what the hell happened to your face?!" i pulled down his hood and wiped the hair out of his red and puffy eyes. He just stood there demobilized.

" my dad found out i skipped today" he said quietly. " the school called my house"

" shit" i said not knowing what else to say. The bruise was bad, i don't know how bad his father had meant to hit him but he had really clobbered him from the size of the slowly growing shiner. It left a bad taste in my mouth knowing that the same person who had left that bruise had also pressed Ryder's shoulder to a hot stove. Part of me wondered what i was getting myself into but i knew at the end of the day i would rather be there for Ryder than to just be another bystander. " well lets get you some ice" he puled me hard into a hug that i was not expecting but i embraced it none the less.

" thank you" he whispered. I heard a loud rumbling and stepped away from Ryder.

" have you eaten?" he nodded. " since the sloppy joes at lunch?" he looked away not saying anything. " I'll get you something..."

" no... Blaine its enough that you are letting me stay" he said.

" you need to eat" i said. " and you need ice for that bruise, go wait down stairs" he nodded and went down to my room and i let out a breath i had been holding in. It came with a wave of nausea, i legitimately felt sick to my stomach, it was times like this i wanted to kick the shit out of my punching bag but i felt it wasn't enough, this time i wanted to kick the shit out of Ryder's dad and anyone else who would hurt him like this. I was angry and repulsed and there where so many emotions going threw my head. I went up stairs to the washroom and raided threw my parents medicine cabinet. I took a gravol and two Tylenol extra strength then heated up some lefter spaghetti from dinner. I grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and took it all down stairs.

Ryder was shirtless a pile of his wet cloths where folded on the stool he just stood there looking down it was a little sad looking at him, he was fit and good looking but he was just so ...sad. I saw the slowly healing burn on his shoulder and grimaced. Together with the bruise Ryder looked like a bruised and beaten little kid. " here" i said holding out the bowl of spaghetti. He dove into the bowl like he had never eaten in his entire life. I passed him a bottle of water and the pills which he studied before he took. " just to help you sleep and to ease the pain" he took them and than there was silence as he ate sitting on the end of the bed . I pressed the ice back lightly to his face he gasped a little but then just let me do it.

I looked at the love seat in front of the TV and wondered if it would be weird to ask if he wanted to sleep in my bed. It was also a bit of a moral dilemma because i wasn't sure if i was doing it to help or if i was doing it for my own pleasure. " so you can crash next to me if you want, or you can take the couch its up to you"

" can i sleep next to you, if its cool?" i felt all tingly, this was the first guy to sleep in my bed since Kurt and it felt sort of surreal. I nodded and he pulled off his wet jeans, he was in tight boxer briefs but obviously i didn't mind. He climbed into my bed on the left and i climbed in on the right and we each looked the opposite way, i dint want him to feel weird, he already knew i was gay so the last thing i wanted was for him to think i was coming on to him in any way of we bumped in the night. It was going on three when i heard his light breathing beside me telling me he was asleep, i wasn't sure i would be able to now that he was beside me. But some time between three and four i felt a strong arm drape across my waste and pull me tight towards him and it was as if it was all i needed to put me into a deep sleep.

I woke up with my 6:45 alarm and could still feel the warmth of Ryder laying next to me. His arm was still clung to my waste lightly and his chest was still pressed against my back. I felt myself getting hard at the contact and didn't want to move because of the awkwardness of waking him up. I wasn't sure he was aware he was so intertwined with me. It was oddly conformable this bed of limbs and his light breathing on the back of my neck was soothing. Even though i was up half the night i felt oddly well rested. I shifted slightly and froze as i felt what appeared to be his own length rub my back threw his underwear. I shuttered slightly and quickly pulled myself from his arms walking towards my washroom.

I breathed in and out, i was very aroused at the moment and to have felt Ryder's hard on was putting me over the edge, i sat down on my toilet and started rubbing my dick until i came which didn't take long. I had a quick shower and came back out towel clad to find Ryder still asleep on my bed. He was adorable and his body was beautiful i looked at the clock and it said 7:30.

" hey, wake up" i said quietly shaking his arm. His eyes snapped open quickly and he grabbed my hand, it was a little rough but he looked up at me in confusion and then realized where he was and his grip became soft.

" sorry" he said. " ill get up" he sat up in the bed and and realized he was pretty naked and blushed. " could i maybe borrow a shirt?"

i scoffed and went into my closet, i picked my favourite captain America shirt and threw it out to him. I heard the click of the washroom door. My attraction to Ryder aside his bruise was growing darker and less concealable. Everyone at school would notice and that was not good. As if they hadn't already thought he had anger problems. I dressed for the day and then went to my desk to do my hair. Ryder came out of the washroom groggy in his underwear and the shirt i had given him. He pulled on his jeans and sat back on the bed. " i guess you wanna know what happened?" he said as if it was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

" you told me what happened" i said " you skipped school and your dad beat you up for it" he winced.

" it wasn't like that" he said. " he only hit me once."

" oh well then i guess its not big deal if he only gave you one black eye" i said sarcastically turning around in my seat. " and what about the burn?" he furrowed his eyebrows like he had no idea what i was talking about.

" that was an accident" he defended. I couldn't understand why he could still defend someone who would hurt him so badly.

" oh so your shoulder accidentally got pushed angst a stove?" i asked. " you think i don't know the shape of a burner when i see it?" he sat there speechless. I could see the tears welling in his eyes and could feel my heart breaking for him. I got up ad sat beside him on the bed, "I'm here for you Ryder, for whatever you need" he fell into my shoulder and started sobbing.

" i hate my life" he said. I felt a tear fall down my cheek and wiped it away, i felt so awful for him, for all the shit he had to deal with for all of the pain being caused around him. It was no wonder he was so reluctant to be around people, he had no trust left in him. But he trusted me which said a lot.

" okay, i know life sometimes sucks" i said i didn't know where it was going but i felt i needed to say something to fill the void. He basically just told me his life was shit , there were so many hidden meanings to that, underling cations that i felt i needed to address. "do you remember what you sang to us, during the black out, everybody hurts" he sniffed his arm grasping my other shoulder tightly. " you have people who care about you"

" you" he said.

" and others" i said, even if he didn't want to hear it and even though i didn't want to admit it. Marley did care, and so did kitty, in her own way. And of course Mr Schue was always someone you could lean on in times of trouble though lately that has felt a little off.

" i just wish i could be someone else" he said.

" i know that feeling" i said. And i had when i got beat up at a dance and when i saw Kurt and Adam together at the Lima bean. I had often wished i could be someone else, but i couldn't and neither could Ryder. " do you still want to go to school?"

" no" he said " but i have to i have a meeting with Mr Rodgers this afternoon" he sighed and wiped the eye that wasn't bruised. " everyone is going to see this bruise, i cant hide it like the burn"

" they can think what they want" i said " I'm here for you no matter what"

" even tough we haven't been hanging out for long" he said biting his lip. " you are like the best friend I've ever had" i found that sad, that he had never had a friend care about him.

" I'm glad to hear it" i said. Ryder was right, people did see the bruise and by lunch it was the gossip of the entire school.

A/N: no doubt the moment a lot of you have been waiting for in more ways than one, Ryder was finally honest with Blaine and there was some sexy moments too! Next chapter we will see how kitty and Marley take in ryder's black eye until next week and review, i was to hear what people actually think, i kndo if feel like a loser :(


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own GLEE

Chapter 6: torn

Marley rose

I was wondering if maybe i was sending the right message. Or if it was worth sending at all. Upon seeing Ryder this morning walking into school with a large bruise under his eye i realized the answer was no. A weird shot of anger filled me as i marched threw the halls looking for Jake. " did you hit Ryder!?" i asked before we could exchange any pleasantries.

" what?" he asked looking at me like i had hit my head or something.

" did you hit Ryder?" i asked this time with more force.

" no" he said " why would you think i hit Ryder?" he was clearly confused and offended by my accusation but i wasn't sure i believed him anytime i even brought up his old friend he would get angry.

" well i don't know , yesterday..."

you make it sound so much worse then it was, like Blaine said I'm sure she pushed him"

" why are you always defending him?" he asked irritated. " why cant you just be happy with us?" " i sighed, i did believe that Jake didn't hit him, i just wish Jake could see past their differences and realize something was up with Ryder that was way deeper than this cat fish thing " i didn't hit him"

" well i wonder who gave him that bruise" i said trailing off looking down the hallway. I felt Jake wrap his arm around my shoulder.

" maybe he got in the wrong persons face" he said. I shrugged off his arm and he looked at me concerned. " whats wrong?"

" nothing" i said annoyed. " whats wrong with you, you used to be Ryder's friend, now its like you his worst enemy" he rolled his eyes sucking his teeth.

" why do you care so much?" he said , this was the anger he usually came at me with when the topic of Ryder was breached. I don't know why he always got so defensive about him, i was with him not Ryder but it always made him feel insecure.

" i care because i am worried" i said. " I'm not the only one who thought it was you, and if it wasn't than who was it?" this was eating me up inside , he had been so withdrawn the last couple of weeks, even before Ryder left glee something was clearly off balance and i have been noticing it more and more.

And i have also noticed the presence of Blaine in the past week, it made me wonder what he knew, he had talked on Wednesday but i hadn't gotten a whole lot out of him, it was true i was really in no place to intrude but my better judgement was telling me this was something i couldn't ignore, Ryder was having some serious issues and we had thrown him to the dogs when he needed us most. Unique was catfish so she proverbially knew better than anyone what his life was like, so why was she making it harder for him?

" i don't think it matters who it was, its not our problem" he said " but if you want to continue talking about it then we can do that instead of preforming our song"

" you don't want to preform?" i asked, i almost agreed at this point, i was too annoyed with Jake at the moment and i was starting to think the message of our song was a little useless. I was thinking maybe it was time to start sending another message. " fine"

Kitty Wilde

There was a time when i thought Ryder and i could have been a thing, then i found out he was gay and it all sort of made sense. He had an opportunity to have a real girl and chose an internet fantasy that turned out to be a boy and over the course of the last week had confided in another gay boy. He was most definitely gay and i was glad i had not invested a lot of time into that, but what i was not glad about was the fact that Ryder was being abused. At first i thought he was just acting like a pussy because he was not as cool as Jake, most guys are simple and their animosity comes from a rivalry with another guy, usually over a girl, and i can fully understand he fact that getting molested fucked him up. It turned me into the hard bitch i am today.

But his brand of oddness was more then just what he had shared with the rest of glee and it was more then just catfish, and i had honestly had no idea what it could have been until today.

" so who hit you?" i asked as i approached Ryder at his locker. He rolled his eyes. I noticed a grope of girls a few lockers down whispering and gawking. Ryder was clearly uncomfortable being here today, couldn't figure why. " bitches! If you knew what i was thinking, you would probably run for your life" all four of them rushed down the hallway, thank god for the cheerios uniform.

" was that supposed to make me feel better?" he asked clearly unimpressed by my fear tactics.

" no it was to get rid of snotty little eavesdroppers" i said. " look i know you have been dodging me all week and you can continue but honestly look how good its working" he shrugged. " who hit you, was it Jake?" i knew it wasn't Jake, i just wanted to see if he would take that route to deflect from the fact that he is clearly being abused at home or otherwise.

" its none of your business" he said " i don't know why i have to keep telling you this, but i don't want to be your friend, I'm not like you"

" why is that, because I'm mean and you aren't?" i asked. " spare me the shit Ryder, there is only two ways you turn out when you are like us, a hard bitch, or a soft one" i let my finger linger on his chest. " but i better take my finger off your chest, its not your thing" i could see the humiliation and confusion all over his face. " who hit you?"

" i would tell you but i want to get out of here, whenever you want to talk it seems Jake is right around the corner" he said walking away. I followed him.

" i don't care about Jake and neither should you" i said. " look the sooner you tell someone the truth the sooner people will stop looking at you like that" i pointed down the hall to another group of gawking students.

" i don't care how people look at me" he said. " they don't know me"

It was true they knew what they thought they knew which was whatever anyone wanted them to think, unique wanted them to think he was homophobic, he was the exact opposite. I sighed. " we knew you" i looked over my shoulder at the small group " face book me if you want to stalk me, yeah keep rolling your eyes ho maybe you will find a brain back there" they all disbursed and Ryder scoffed.

" you really do know how to control a crowd." he said weather it was sarcastic or not was unimportant.

" i inspire fear" i said, i heard voices coming down the hall and realized it was Marley's voice.

" no Jake i don't want to preform today" she said " just leave me be please" both Ryder and i observed as Jake followed her down the hall.

" it was a joke, i just wanted you to stop talking about..." he stopped talking when he saw Ryder and i together.

" Ryder" Marley said with a mix of confusion and worry. Jake glared at the both of us and approached.

" Ryder!" he said " so how many people have you told that i punched you in the face?" Jake was getting really close to him and Ryder stepped back.

" i have no idea what you are talking about" he said.

" Jake back off" i said pushing him away from Ryder. " get a grip no one is saying you hit Ryder" he looked at Marley and then back at Ryder then at me there was only venom in his eyes. His eyes finally landed on Marley and he shook his head.

" if you want him, you can have him" he said stalking down the hallway away from the rest of us.

" Jake wait" Marley called but he was long gone.

" what is his problem?" Ryder asked. " look i never did anything to him, i never did anything to any of you why cant you just leave me alone?" he also left walking away down the hall way. The glee club was falling apart in front of us.

Marley leaned against the locker and sighed. " kitty, what are we gonna do?" as usual i had to come up with the plan. " they used to be best friends"

" okay I'm going to have to drop some tough love here Marley" i said cutting her off. " a lot of this is sort of your fault" she looked at me blankly. How could she not see it? " since Ryder kissed you there had been a gap between them, this alienation your best friend unique has been forcing on Ryder was the only excuse Jake needed to solidify that rivalry"

I could see the light bulb go off in her head. She knew exactly what i was talking about now and following it i saw only guilt.

" crap" she said " i have no idea how i am going to make this better"

" well for starters, stay out of this one, a line was drawn in the sand the day you covered for unique" i said. " you are on the other side of that line"

" i want to help" she said stubbornly. Marley is all cause cause when she feels her morality is on the line and this was one of those times. She just couldn't look like anything but an angel.

" well you can help by making up your mind" i said " but for what its worth Ryder and you would never work" she snapped her head at me and glared.

"why, because of you?"

I looked down the hall way and saw Blaine at his locker, smiling down at his cell phone, i don't know what it was but in my head it worked. " no, because of him" i said with a sneer. Marley followed my eyes and raised an eyebrow i walked away and skipped down the hall to Cheerios practice.

Blaine

A tray slammed down on my table and i looked up startled. " Sam, you scared the crap out of me"

" sorry" he said sullen sitting down across from me. I continued to eat my lunch, i wondered about Ryder what he was going to do once school was over, was he going to go home would my parents let him stay and look the other way about his eye? Was i fully ready to enter this world? As for the latter , i had grown to like Ryder a lot in the past few days and i can most defiantly say yes. I looked up from my tray and Sam was looking at me funny, as if he had something to say but didn't want to say it.

" something wrong?" i asked

" well no...i mean" he said with a shrug. " we where supposed to go to the mall yesterday" i raised an eyebrow and then remembered when i blew him off Wednesday and said we would go yesterday, but had had blown him off again.

" we where" i said biting my lip.

" look Blaine, its cool you have a new best friend and all but don't make it so obvious that you want to drop the old one" he said looking down and poking at his food. Was that how he really felt like i was pushing him aside for Ryder?

" Sam its not like that at all" i said shaking my head in bewilderment.

" then what is it like Blaine?" he said frustrated. " because we have barely hung out all week, and anytime i see you , you're with Ryder" i thought about the past week, we had talked several times but it was true we had not chilled like we used to. But he had no idea what Ryder was going threw so it was hard to feel bad for Sam. I missed one thing and he is acting like i am ready to stop being his friend. " is it because you like him?" he asked i nearly choked on my chocolate milk.

" excuse me?" i asked.

" well is it?" he asked " because not everyone is as cool about that stuff as i was" i couldn't believe what i was hearing, was he really saying that if Ryder knew i had a crush on him Ryder would do something. " i mean look what he did to unique..."

I slammed my fist on the table. " he didn't do anything to unique, what about what unique did to him, look you think you know Ryder but you don't Sam, and if you did you wouldn't be saying all of this, i don't understand why everyone doesn't want me to be his friend but i am so get over it"

Sam glared at me and crossed his arms. " so you do like him" he said. Why did Sam care so much, was it because he wasn't getting my attention, he was straight, he had made that entirely too clear more than once, so why was he so torn up that i was friends why Ryder, did he really care that much about unique or was this about something else? I stood up out of my seat and made my way towards the exit from the cafeteria. I nearly walked right into Ryder when i felt his firm hands grab my arms to stop the collision.

" penny for your thoughts?" he asked. I looked at his eye, he didn't even want to know what i was thinking at the moment.

" hey, how are you?" i asked

he shrugged with an optimistic look on his face. " all things considered it could be a lot better" he scoffed. " I'm dealing i guess" i nodded , it was good to know he was dealing at least, but i couldn't help but wonder what happens next.

" so... what is your situation looking like?" i asked " are you going to go home or, do you want to... stay again?" he smiled gently.

" i don't want to intrude" he said. " i stayed last night i don't want to outstay my welcome" i shook my head.

" you never could" i said. he smiled and put his arm around my shoulder pulling my into a hug. I sighed , crawling further and further down the rabit hole.

Ryder

English was my last period of the day and i corpulent wait for it to be over, i couldn't stop thinking about Blaine, how nice he was, how good he always smelled, how warm his body was next to mine when i woke this morning. I pretended to sleep until he woke up but it seemed in the night i had clung to him for some reason, i was not used to sharing a bed so it was a little bit odd at first but once i had woken up despite a lack of hours, i had never had a more enjoyable sleep. I was looking forward to doing it again. I kept seeing Mr. Rodgers looking over at me threw out class. I knew he wanted to talk to me but i had avoided it, i was pretty sure i was not going to be able to avoid it today. When the bell rang i was bracing myself for whatever it was he wanted to talk to me about, with him it was rarely good, but he had given me an A so it could really be anything.

" Lynn could i have a word" he said as the rest of the class was on their way out. I mentally groaned, it was Friday and i just wanted to leave for the two days of safe haven i got from this pit of misery.

" sure Mr. Rodgers" i said " something wrong?" he looked up at me from his desk with a weird glint in his eye.

" of course not" he said. " in fact everything is great" i was not quite following, what was so great and since when had i been involved in that greatness?

" I'm not sure I'm following" i confessed.

" its about your story Ryder" he said . " i don't often give out A's, not for creative writing anyway, i was wondering if you had an interest in pursuing writing as career"

" I've never really thought about it" i said honestly, i ever knew there was much of a market for creative writing, i mean unless you write a book and make it big like the hunger games.

" well if you are interested, next year i would suggest taking my writers craft class, broaden your horizons on writing" he said standing up, he put an encoring hand on my shoulder. " i see a lot of potential in you, i always have, i have another proposition"

" okay" i said

" i want to enter you story in a creative writing competition" he said " its a regional thing and the winner gets an award for writing and a check for a thousand dollars" my eyes widened at the amount of money, i had never had that much money.

" and you think my story could win?" i asked surprised, it was just a story. " you don't think there are a million other kids out there who probably blow my story out of the water?"

" i don't think you could just win Ryder" he said. " i think you could move on to the national competition, this story, its amazing, I've never read anything like it from a student at McKinley." i was a little taken aback that he was telling me all of these things. I thought it was just a story, a story good enough to get me an A though. " i don't want to do this without your permission, but i think it could be great for your future"

" great how?"

" they have scholarships for creative writing Ryder" he said " it could get you out of Lima, give you a shot at doing something you love" when he said that i had to think, i would never say i loved writing, it was just something i did something that i had started doing to escape from my everyday life,if anything it was depressing. But a thousand dollars was a lot of money and i had never even put collage into the picture until now.

" enter it"

Blaine was in the hallway waiting for me when i got out. " i heard you have had an eventful day" he said

i scoffed " try eventful week" i noticed his eye twitch and knew he was still a little soar on the subject of my well for lack of a better word abuse. " i mean, you've made it a lot better"

he blushed and i felt a stab of longing, i wanted Blaine so bad i could feel it in my stomach when i looked at him and i was about to stay at his house again. I wasn't sure i was going to be able to restrain myself. " well lets get out of here, Jake is probably looking for any excuse to get into it with you"

" i have no idea what that guys problem is" i said, i didn't want Marley, i wasn't jealous of them and i had no idea where he got this idea that we had to be rivals. He shrugged and we walked to his car i noticed Jake glaring at me from his bike as i left, i was not looking forward to coming to school on Monday.

A/N :( my heart is broken for Cory Monteith, he is in a better place and i will never forget him as an actor. I hope you enjoy this chapter and review


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own glee sadly

Chapter 7: as a mother

Blaine

I woke up in Ryder's arms again. But this time my head rested against his chest and his arms where wound tightly around my waist. Since Ryder was clearly a spooner I didn't shy away from it in fact I adjusted to make it more comfortable for myself. There was something about Ryder's steady heart beat that made me calm, maybe it's because when it was as steady as it was Ryder was calm which was probably rare these days. I looked up at his face, his lips curved up in a cute smile and I slowly crept my hand around his waist, it was Saturday and I didn't have to get up for school, so I wouldn't mind just lying like this until well... as the tiredness left me and I was lying wide awake in Ryder's strong embrace I began to remember the events of last night.

"Blaine, I'm all about having your friends stay the night if you ask me first" my mother had said when Ryder was in the washroom. She had seen his bruise and was instantly worried. "But that bruise, Blaine is Ryder trouble?" it was a fair question, it very well looked like Ryder had gotten into a fight, I couldn't blame her for jumping to that conclusion.

"No mom Ryder is a good guy, he just has a lot going on" I said quietly.

"What is that supposed to mean?' she asked. "look I'll look the other way about the burse for now but we need to talk when Ryder goes home" and I was dreading that talk, I had made sure me and Ryder didn't spend a whole lot of time apart after that, we ate dinner and watched moves all night, I avoided several texts from both Sam and Tina and me and Ryder just hung out like we had always wanted to do. I breathed in Ryder's scent before pulling myself from his possessive arms. It was clear at this point that I was beyond the point of turning back. Ryder was beginning to become more then a friend weather he knew it or not, and I felt a great deal for the troubled boy. It was deep, this was something entirely different then how I felt for Sam, and it was beginning to match that of Kurt. For one Kurt would never cuddle with me in the night, he prefers not to be touched. I was a touchy person; it was one of the many things we clashed about.

But I had to remind myself that he was straight and I was not willing to go down that path again, I felt foolish for ever liking Sam in the first place but if I just let myself get more attached to Ryder the outcome may result in more than just embarrassment. I pulled on a pair of athletic shorts and pulled an undershirt over my head and climbed lazily up the stairs leaving Ryder asleep, I didn't want to wake him just yet, I didn't know how much sleep he actually got at home. As I expected my mom was sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen drinking her morning coffee.

"Morning Hun" she said. I wearily made my way to the fridge to retrieve milk and then to the pantry to get a bowl and my frosted flakes. I sat down across from my mom

And began putting together my cereal. "So, remember when I said we needed to talk?" I winched afraid of that.

"Can I eat?" I asked.

" yes" she said " I only have a few questions" I knew this could only end in the truth because any lie I could tell could possibly look bad on Ryder and none of this was his fault at all, he was a tragedy of circumstance.

"Shoot" I said dreading every second.

"How did Ryder get the bruise?" she asked

"Pass" I said she looked at me stern.

"Blaine he is a guest in my home I have the right to know if he is dangerous" she said, my eyes widened, Ryder dangerous? I wanted to yell but I knew no good would come of it with Ryder still fast asleep. "Did he get in some sort of fight?"

"No mom it's not like that, I swear its not" I said in Ryder's defence. "He is not like that... its, I don't know how... it's hard to say" my mother looked at me worry growing more and more on her face. The more emotional I got the more she seemed to grasp the bigger picture.

"Blaine" my mom said grabbing my hand. "This is serious"

"Mom I..." I heard the basement stairs creak and we both fell silent, a few seconds later Ryder looking at us from the entrance of the kitchen. "Morning" I said

"Good morning" Ryder said just standing there.

My mom looked sadly at me and then her gaze shifted to Ryder. " good morning Ryder, why don't you two go watch some TV and I'll make pan cakes" I got up leaving the cereal where it was and led Ryder into the living room, my mom was a strong woman, but even the strongest of us needs a moment every now and then to collect themselves. We shared a brief look of understanding before I left.

I found Ryder in the living room staring out the window into my back yard. "I didn't know you had a pool" he said. I came up beside him.

"Yeah it's awesome for really hot summer days, like today" I said "want to go swimming?"

"Yeah that would be nice" he said, he sat down on the couch and I sat next to him at the other end. Saturday morning cartoons where all we really needed to keep us occupied till my mom called us for breakfast. I'm sure it was creepy that my mom watched us eat our first bite but that's just how she was; she wanted to make sure they where the best pancakes he had ever eaten to put her heart at ease. We sat back down on the couch this time closer. He laughed at the episode of fairly odd parents and I studied him. His burse was now a dark shade of purple but it's as if it didn't even bother him, it left a sickly feeling in my stomach knowing he was probably used to this by this point.

The one thing I couldn't get threw my head was what happened next, I knew and that bridge was crossed my mother knew and she would not let it just drop, what would happen after this weekend was over and the reality set in that he couldn't live here with me forever. "Ryder?" I asked timidly.

"emhmm?" he said not taking his eyes off of the screen. I didn't know how I was going to ask the question.

"When are you?" I said "I mean, are you going to go home?" I didn't want it to come off the wrong way but I had no doubt it would somehow. He looked at me and blushed.

"Do... do you want me to go home?" he asked. "Cause I can if you want, I don't want to intrude"

"No, it's not like that at all" I said putting a hand on his arm. "You are welcome here as long as you want, it's just with your situation... what are you going to do?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked.

What did he mean what do I mean? He came to my house to escape from his abusive father and now he was playing dumb about it. "Ryder what are you going to do about the abuse?"

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked. It was a question with a lot of different answers but there was nothing I could do. "I thought you understood"

"I do, I did but now..." I said I did understand to a certain existent but how could he just do nothing? Parent or not Ryder needs some sort of guidance and he wasn't getting it at school or at home, how long can he let it all go on before he seriously gets hurt? "Ryder I care about you a lot, I don't want to see you get hurt, today it's a burn and a black eye tomorrow what, a broken arm a cracked skull" he looked out the window again staring off into space.

"Look" he said getting up. "Thank you for letting me stay here..." I got up too this time angry.

"No Ryder, I deserve a lot more than that and you know it" I said "don't freeze me out" I grabbed his arm and he yanked away. I took a step back, why did he always get so angry, why was he always so afraid? Well I was beginning to know.

"I'm sorry, I just" he turned around tears staining his cheeks. "I'm not used to this, people actually caring" I took his hand and saw the Goosebumps on his arms at the contact, I raised an eyebrow.

"well get used to it" I said he stepped closer to me and I felt a wave of intensity flow threw me he gave me a look I had never seen before I held my breath wishing the moment could last an eternity, he stepped away from me and walked towards the door, I was so overwhelmed by what just happened in that moment that I let him walk away I zoned back into reality and ran to the door only to stop in my tracks to see him standing there.

"Ryder!" I looked over his shoulder at his angry mother standing in the door way that Ryder had just opened. "How dare you put your father and I threw this." I heard the vacuum stop. "Two days no call?"

"Mom how did you...?" He said he looked shocked and scared. My heart was beating a mile a minute I was dead weight and.

"I asked that kitty girl who came to the house that time" she said outraged. "You had us sick Ryder!" I heard my mother creeping down the stairs and watched both of our mothers eyes meet.

"I don't believe I have the pleasure" my mom said with a stony smile. I could see the redness around her eyes and wondered if she had been crying at some point.

"Cynthia Lynn" she said "I'm Ryder's mother"

My mother nodded kindly "Breanne, Anderson, Blaine's mom" Ryder's mom had no time for pleasantries but I could tell by my mother's voice that she didn't care much for them either.

"Well... Breanne, I'll have you know Ryder has had no permission to be here" she said angrily. "And I am appalled that you as a mother would let him stay here without first knowing if he had permission." my mom took a step forward.

"Mom!" Ryder said.

"As a mother..." my mother she with a scoff. "Well take a long look at your sons face, and tell me what I am doing wrong... as a mother" Ryder's mothers eyes widened and my jaw dropped.

"Excuse me" she said loudly, "how dare you, how dare you throw an accusation like that at me you bitch!"

"Mom!" Ryder yelled covering his face. I stood there watching in awe of what was happing in my foyer.

"You look like you are on drugs lady!" she said "i should call children's aid on you, you psychopath" that was a trigger to my ears and I stepped towards my mom protectively, if only my dad weren't on a business trip this might have never happened. "Ryder get in the car, I don't want you ever coming back here"

"No" Ryder resisted. "I'm not going anywhere and Mrs. Anderson is not on drugs"

"Ryder gets in the fucking car so help me!" she screamed.

"No not until you apologize" he said, He looked back at me. She grabbed his wrist and I wanted to pile driver her out the door I knew she couldn't do any real harm to Ryder but his father could and if he left then I don't know what was going to happen. "Let go of me!"

"Ryder sweetie" my mother said softy. "This is not your fault, just remember that no matter what this is not your fault and it never was and it never will be" she stepped closer to him and whispered something in his ear. His mother just looked at her stunned.

"Get away from him you psycho!" his mother shrieked.

"But I think its best" my mother said stepping back. "That you do as your mother says and leave and never come back" I felt my heart braking, I couldn't believe she had just done that, made him leave. I shrunk away and watched Ryder leave confused and angry and knew there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Why would you do that?!" I screamed as the car screeched down the street. "Why would you let him leave?!" I felt the tars streaming from my eyes and my mother pulled me into her embrace. "His dad... his dad is going... to kill him"

" shhh shhh shh" she said " Ryder will be fine, his mother won't say a word to his father" she said confident. "As appalling as the woman is she is still his mother"

"She's never stopped him before" I said pulling myself from her arms. "Mom what if she calls children's aid?"

My mother almost laughed. "abusive parents always deflect, they will try to make you look bad to make themselves look less bad, I'm not worried about her calling children's aid not while her son is black and blue and the cause is up in the air" she was so calm and I was so worried and afraid that Ryder would be broken just that one step further and eventually he will be beyond repair. "look Blaine, I know right now this feels like the end of your world, but trust me we won't stand idly by"

"What did you say to him?" I asked curious. "Just then?"

" I told him he was welcome here any time" she said " and I meant it he is welcome here any time, but now at least this won't be the first place his parents look" my mother was smart like that but I still couldn't get passed the betrayal. "I don't want you to worry too much about this Blaine, just text Ryder tell him you will pick him up at seven for Finn and Kurt's party" I nodded and made my way down stairs, I looked at the side of the bed Ryder was on and collapsed smelling his musk on my pillow, I hoped this wasn't the last time I would feel this close to him but doubt was scarring my mind. I quickly texted him.

**I'm picking you up for the party at 7**

There was no answer for hours and my paranoia was at an all time high. I didn't know what I was going to do if he didn't get back to me but at round 4 in the afternoon I got a single letter of confirmation.

**K**

It set my heart at ease significantly.

A/N: for some reason I see Blaine's mother as Mary-Louise Parker from weeds, a protective mother who will do questionable things for her kid. I'm sorry I have strayed from my weekly updating schedule I had lap top problems and now they are solved so hopefully I'll have a few chapters up in a few days to make up for that until the next chapter follow and review ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: i do not own glee, if i did i would be rich, and I'm not sadly

Chapter 8: red solo cup

" Ryder, please don't do that ever again" my mom said softly, it was a change from the crazy person she just was in Blaine's house, i thought i was going to die from embarrassment but i was just going to die from the beating that i was going to receive from my dad in about ten minutes.

" leave me alone" i said looking out the passenger side window.

" for what its worth i covered for you" she said " i told him you where at a friends house for a sleepover, that you had a project" she said with a smile. I would have humoured her but i was tired of humouring her all of the time, i was tired of it all. " did you tell her that you father hit you?"

" no" i said. " but it doesn't make it any less true"

she sighed. " Ryder you know your father loves you..."

" its just he likes to be an abusive alcoholic more" i said she parked the car and i got out and she followed me to the door, when i went inside my father was passed out in the recliner in front of the TV. It was not hard for me to hide myself in the confines of my room for the rest of the day, i fell asleep at some point and woke up at just after four to a text from Blaine.

**I'm picking you up for the party at 7 **

i had completely forgotten about Kurt and Finn's barbeque, i was not sure i still even wanted to go, but i didn't want to stay here, and even though Blaine's mother had told me never to come back she had also whispered you are always welcome here. Which to me meant more. But i knew i was not going to this party unless i asked and asking was going to be a bitch. I left my room and crept down the stairs. I heard the facet running and turned the corner to find my mom doing the dishes. I peered threw the entry to the living room and saw it empty. " wheres dad?" i asked

" he's out getting smokes" she said " the boys are coming over tonight" my eyes widened, now i knew there was nothing i wanted more then to go to the party.

" well then can i go to a party?" i asked

" your grounded" she said.

" grounded?" i asked " why am i grounded?"

she turned around and pointed her finger at me " you are grounded for leaving for two nights and not calling"

" after dad knocked me off of my feet" i said " by punching me in the face giving me this bruise that is a little hard to explain to everyone else" i didn't know what else i could say, she always fell silent when i brought up his abuse. " look i just really don't want to be here tonight if the guys are going to be here, that's when dad is at his worst"

" well what do you want me to say?" she said as if her hands where tied. " you skipped school you need to be punished" she said defeated.

" tell him i still needed time to finish the project" i said " please if you care about me at all you will do this for me and punish me tomorrow" she gave me a long look before nodding her head.

" be gone before he gets back" she said, and i was i was gone and half way down the street away from the direction he was most likely coming from. It was only 4:30 and i had a lot of time to kill till seven and even though i knew i was welcome at Blaine's, i didn't want to show up their only hours after i had left with my mother in what only could be described as chaos. I watched my dads truck pull into the drive way at the end of the street and than doubled back, i figured if i walked to Blaine's house it would take me at least forty five minutes then i could just walk around the block a few times till its time for him to get me, then it will be like a surprise. It sounded stupid but i didn't have a whole lot of options, i felt my phone vibrate and yanked it out of my pocket hoping it was Blaine but it was not it was someone else entirely.

" what do you want?" i asked, part of me wondered why i had answered at all.

" well hello to you too you" kitty said sarcastically. " i can see your face getting a red and scrunchy right now its depressing.

" my face dose not get red and scrunchy" i defended " what do you want?"

she sighed. " i was just wondering if you where going tonight?" she said. I didn't realize it was going to be a whole glee club kind of thing, part of me had hoped it would be all of Blaine's old friends, but when i thought about it they where Sam's old friends and Tina's old friends and Artie's old friends so pretty much half of the group would be there.

" is unique going?" i asked hoping the answer would be no.

" probably" she said. I groaned and she sucked her teeth. " man the fuck up Ryder, stop being a little bitch"

" why do you say things like that to people?" i asked " do you think it makes them feel better" she sighed again.

" no Ryder I'm not trying to make you feel better I'm trying to help make your life less complicated, yeah unique sucks we are all starting to see it and Jake is a freaking nut case about you but you aren't alone and you are making this worse for yourself by avoiding everyone in the club" i often wondered if that was true, if maybe i was making it out to be more then what it was, i mean with the rest of the club. The only people who really did anything where Marley Jake and unique they where the only ones who actually hurt me, the others, well Sam and Artie they had been pretty mean about my babysitter story but they where guys after all and if a girl felt on to them it would be their dreams coming true. Maybe if they knew i was gay... no , no one could ever know that.

" well i am going" i said " so you get your wish"

" good, do you need a ride?" she asked kindly.

" I'm good" i said knowing i had Blaine. I felt empty once i hung up the phone, it was smouldering hot out yet i felt cold. It was sad that i had nowhere else to turn when i wasn't at home. How pathetic was i that i had literally one friend ? and even that is hanging by a string. I sat on the curb down the street from Blaine's house and played angry birds till six thirty at which point i was too disgruntled to wait the extra half hour.

Blaine's mom gave me a sad look when i came to the door which is what i can only expect was because of what happened today but she let me come in none the less, i found Blaine in the basement and i wanted to kiss him for some reason, i refrained but the sensation was a bit of a shock to me that my first instinct was to pull his face to mine and kiss him. I guess the whole thing freaked me out more then i let it at the time. What if his mom hadn't been so understanding, we might have never been able to be friends.

" hey i thought i was picking you up" he said laughing in surprise. " not that I'm complaining"

" well i figured i would make your job easy" i said with a shrug. " so you ready for this?"

he sighed and and widened his eyes.

" not in the slightest" he said scoffing " but more people then just Adam and Kurt will be there so..."

" yeah try everyone from glee" i said.

" everyone?" he asked

" old and new" i said confirming. " at least that is what kitty told me"

he looked a little bit calmer now which i guess was good for him then he seemed to read the look on my face and his face fell. " i guess i shouldn't be too happy"

" don't worry about me" i said punching his shoulder lightly. " I'll manage, i mean Finn is going to be there right, he wouldn't let Jake start anything at his house , and words are words"

" i might not be able to restrain myself, this is going beyond stick and stones" he said. It was nice to know he had my back completely but it was not reassuring that it was causing cracks in the glee club significantly.

" you don't need to fight my battles" i said.

" you don't need to stand alone" he said i was at a loss for words and we left not to long after that to go to the barbeque.

There where already about 10 people there. Kurt and Adam where there it was there house after all, then Finn and Rachel and Santana who scared me the first time i had met her then there was Mike Chang and Tina Quinn and puck. Upon realizing that none of these people where current glee club members besides Blaine and Tina my heart was set a little at ease. " welcome boys beer is in the keg which we got courtesy of puck" Finn said as we joined the group around the patio.

" enough miller high-life to spot your liver" he blurted which made everyone cringe, we each took a red solo cup and poured ourselves some beer, i had never really been drunk before, like i had had a beer but i was never big on parties, my parents where never big on letting me go to parties, but i felt a shift in the air after today for some reason i felt my mother would bend to my fathers rules a little more then she used to. I took a sip of the beer and nearly spit it out, i didn't like the taste of beer but apparently you aren't supposed to at first.

" you sure I'm aloud to drink this?" i asked Blaine quietly.

" its here and puck might single you out for not drinking it" Blaine said taking another sip of his. The girls where all gossiping Santana Quinn and Rachel where in some deep discussion and i could see Blaine was looking over at Kurt. I felt a little alone here amongst all the history but if they could all be together like this than i could do it with the others who i had no doubt would all be here shortly.

Not five minutes later Marley and unique showed up arm in arm, i was surprised she hadn't come with Jake but maybe that altercation in the hall yesterday had been more serious then i had thought. There where greetings all around and unique and i acknowledged each other briefly before she moved on to the others.

" how are you?" Marley asked me when she had a chance. " after yesterday i mean?"

i wasn't sure what she meant exactly. " yeah I'm fine"

" good" she said nodding with a mousey smile. Was she moving on that quickly, or was a reading it wrong? After that everyone started showing up, Artie and kitty showed up at the same time and then Mercedes showed up with sugar and Sam and Joe showed up not to long after that the only person i noticed was not there by 8 was Jake.

" yo Puckerman" Sam asked across the patio from where he sat with Mercedes and Rachel discussing their budget prom " where is your bro?"

" he said he wasn't feeling it" puck said " sick or something, i called him a pussy but he wouldn't budge" i watched kitty and Marley share a look before turning to me, i had no idea why either of them would look to me it had nothing to do with me, it was all his subconscious i had not shown a shred of interest in Marley since valentines day. If he wanted to miss this party then it was on him. Sam shrugged and got back to his conversation and i sat on the wicker chair tapping my empty cup, Blaine was talking to Kurt which is where i expected this night to end at some point, i felt the inner jealousy at it but knew it was unfair to be jealous of them. I noticed a few people missing Quinn puck Santana and Adam among them as i got up to fill my cup at the keg, i noticed a distinguishable smell beside the house, i knew Mr. Hummel was in Columbus so no one would give them shit for smoking pot but it caught me off guard that any of them would do it. I guess it was a collage thing. As i got closer to the keg the conversation became more clear.

" i swear i don't know what it is about you Fabrey" Santana said as the smoke rose into the air from beside the house.

" i cant help it" she said " rebellious ones are just my type, i dated puck after all"

" and i was the best you will ever have" he boasted.

" well i don't know about that" Santana argued the girls both giggled and i got a picture in my head of the two of them kissing.

" i cant believe i am thinking about hooking up with a Junior" she said, my face heated up, was she talking about me?

" well sweetheart you could do a lot worse then him" i heard the Australian twang of Adams voice say. " something about that wrong side of the tracks brooding type that gets the blood boiling" i stood there in awe at what i was hearing i nearly tripped over a patio stone.

" well clearly someones ears were burning" Santana laughed, Quinn's face grew red and the others laughed.

" what?" i asked oblivious, as if i had heard nothing. I noticed Quinn's scarlet pigment fade at my mock ignorance and decided to fill my cup, the beer was starting to give me a buzz.

" want a toke?" puck asked, Quinn punched him in the arm. " what he is a big boy, seriously though its premo"

i thought about it for a few moments, i had never smoked pot but i knew a few kids around school did. If old glee club kids where doing it then it wasn't that bad was it? " oh please Puckerman, i get better pot in Lima heights than you will ever have" my ears perked up when she mentions Lima heights, that's pretty much where i lived and it was embarrassing since only criminals and dead beats breed out of Lima heights, Santana lived in new york and was a dancer maybe i was wrong about the stereotype.

" you're from Lima heights?" i asked.

" yeah what of it?" she asked.

" nothing, its just I'm from Lima heights" i said shrugging, it was not something i would normally announce, its just after talking to kitty and the way Mrs. Anderson stuck up for me ,the way no one ever had, besides her son. I just thought maybe i should have more faith in people. Or maybe i was just getting drunk.

" well then you will definitely enjoy this" puck said holding out the joint. I looked back at the party. Rachel Tina Mercedes Marley ad unique all laughing Blaine and Kurt where in their owl world of denial and all of the guys stood around the grill. I took the joint and inhaled deeply.

" easy tiger" Quinn said as i coughed repeatedly. " its harsh for first timers" i felt like my throat was going to explode and i chugged my beer till it was empty, in my delirious state i realized that it was alcohol.

" whoa" i said stumbling backward.

They laughed lightly and i scoffed. " instant high" puck said putting his hand up for high fives which he didn't receive. I gave him the high five and he flexed at Santana. " still got it!"

Blaine

I wanted to kill myself, the last hour and a half had consisted me me listening to Kurt talk about new york, its like i lived there myself it was so detailed. And the whole time i wanted to get up and go... anywhere. It felt so fake, it felt so plastered, new york was his coping mechanism to keep him from addressing our issues.

" so no letter yet?" he asked

" no not since a few days ago" i said looking longingly over and Ryder who had seemed to have found someone to talk to in Quinn who i didn't entirely trust to keep her hands to her self. But how could i be jealous when here i was pretending to be intrigued by Kurt fabulous sex in the city life with Santana and Rachel and lets not forget about wonderful Adam who get's along with everyone and is a real hit. Together they where hard to hate. It got to me a little bit, but then i thought of Ryder who was both a joy in my life and a worry all the same. But even that felt a little fake watching him and Quinn flirt aimlessly. " look i need to use the washroom, but we can talk after?"

Kurt nodded and i got up and it felt like i had never walked before. I made my way into the house where Sam was coming out. " hey" i said he plastered on a grin and walked passed me. "Sam hey come on don't be like this"

He ignored me and walked towards the group on the patio i turned back around to come face to face with kitty whom nearly gave me a heart attack. " oh my god that was just an insidious moment" i said catch my breath.

" trouble in paradise?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. I looked over at Sam shaking my head.

" what Sam?" i asked incredulously " no me and Sam are fine, that's just nothing" she nodded.

"mm hmm" she said unconvinced " but there was something i wanted to talk to you about" she opened the sliding glass doors and we went inside. " what do you know about Ryder's deal?"

i rolled my eyes, i was not going to give into kitty's demands. " kitty its none of your business" i said.

" well then it is none of yours either looks like we are both dipping our feet in pool's that aren't ours" she said sarcastically. " i know he is being abused at home, i mean i think i know but..."

" wait how do you know this?" i asked flabbergasted , i mean its not hard to catch but it was just a bruise and to my knowledge she hadn't scene the burn.

" well he is angry and closed off most of the time, he has clear trust issues" she said pegging them off on her fingers. " i just want to know if its true"

" why so you can tell the whole group?" i asked " its not for me to say, i know you think you know what is going on but you have no idea"

" oh just like i don't know Sam inst talking to you because he thinks you are replacing him with Ryder as a best friend?" she said i opened my mouth but no noise came out. " but in reality you and Ryder are just gay for each other which is cool who cares but seriously do something about it already" i was oblivious about what she was talking about, Ryder was not gay.

" what are you talking about?" i asked.

" you have been with him more than anyone has and i already know more, your pathetic" she said with a scoff.

" its not about who knows what kitty" i said offended that she thought i was that superficial " abuse is serious not high school gossip" she smirked and i realized she had me.

" so Ryder is being abused..." she said. I sighed and hung my head back this was going to be the talk of the school by Monday afternoon. " look i know what you are thinking but just know i would never spreed that around"

" and why would i trust you?" i asked

" because believe it or not i felt more accepted joining glee then i did joining the cheerios and i realized that some friends are worth helping, and don't worry he is all yours, I'm not touching that again with a ten foot pole"

" what makes you think...?"

" i just know, trust me" she walked away and i stood there feeling stupid and buzzing. Like i was vibrating with nerves, so Sam was not the only person who noticed i had feelings for Ryder, did that mean Ryder noticed too?

I decided i needed an actual drink tonight, i was beginning to feel alone at this party. I didn't have Kurt because he was with Adam, my Ryder fantasy was falling threw my fingers because of Quinn and kitty was convinced we should already be together .

" Blaine can we talk?" Marley said mousy and upset.

" if its about Ryder, no" i said walking back towards the party. She grabbed my hand softly.

" but I'm worried about him" she whined and it was almost to much for me to handle, i was being irritated left and right and Marley was not helping with her obsession with drama, if she wanted what was best for Ryder she would leave him alone and complicated his life a little less.

"I understand that Marley" i said " but honestly right now is not the time"

She looked at me oddly.

" Blaine why are you so reluctant to talk about Ryder?" i wanted to slap her, she couldn't be serious could she? Her face said it all.

" because this is a party merely, if Ryder wanted people talking about him he wouldn't have come, but he did, so give it a rest for a night" i walked away from her feeling a little bad but i was not here to argue with Sam or play games with kitty and i had taken out my irritation out on Marley who was proverbially genuine in her concern, that being said she was starting to get irritating.

I walked straight over to the keg looking at Ryder as i went, quin was in his lap almost, she was in flirt mode and it worried me , but what could i do? Just because we had been cuddle buddies these last two nights and i had been about the only person comforting him didn't mean he was gay. I wracked my brain struggling back and fourth on that subject and moments like this with him and Quinn brought me back to earth, why should i care so much when i loved Kurt right? I filled my beer and chugged it back filling the cup again.

" relax there buddy" i turned to see Jake walking threw the gate, my heart stopped a little bit.

" Jake, you're here" i said surprised and a little bit alarmed, his temper where Ryder has been concerned was heated to say the least and with alcohol involved... maybe Ryder being Quinn's arm candy for the night was a blessing in disguise, it kept him away from Marley and out of Jake's red zone.

" you think i would let the rest of you turn me into the new Ryder?" i raised my eyebrow. What was that supposed to mean, Why was everyone unloading on me tonight? I turned on him.

" what because you guys alienated him?" i asked angry . " and people didn't fall for your games?" Jake stepped back fronting his oblivion.

" you said all of that not me" he said i rolled my eyes. " but have another beer Blaine , sounds like you need it"

" don't cause trouble Jake" i warned. " just leave Ryder alone" Jake stepped closer to me and got right in my face, his anger was unmatched to anything i had ever scene in the older Puckerman,

" I've barely even started with that punk" he said. " and if you want to continue to have some fag crush on Ryder than you can share in it"

I looked at him unbelieving. " what happened to you?"

" nothing bro, i dance to the beat of the Jake drums bro" he said " either get with the rhythm or get out of my way" he walked passed me a bottle of _**Jägermeister**_ in his hands. I heard him address the crowd loudly with the bottle and i leaned against the wall of the house i had spent nights with Kurt.

I sat down next to Artie and sipped my beer as i watched the group do shots, i looked over at Kurt who was siting cutely with Adam and felt the heat rushing to my face, i looked aimlessly for Ryder i couldn't see him in sight. I also noted the absence of Quinn. The heat grew hotter and the humiliation felt crushing, " wheres Quinn?" i asked Artie.

" yo boy Ryder is putting another trophy on the mantle" Artie said. I looked at him confused.

" English?" i asked

" she and Ryder found a room if you know what i am saying" it was what i was fearing. I nodded my understanding draining my beer.

" right, well i need another beer" i said feeling tipsy and a little angry, it felt like a betrayal even though it wasn't. I got up walking threw a conversation between Mercedes and Santana. I dropped the red solo cup on the ground and walked out of the yard and towards my car, i had drank way to much to drive but i really didn't care right now, all i wanted to do was go home to my bed and curl up. This was all becoming to much for me, my feelings for Ryder where becoming too much for me . I managed to home, my own self contained humiliation was enough to sober me after three beers. I felt pathetic, what had i really hoped we could be beyond friends? He was in love with Marley, and he hated unique for being the catfish who held his heart once. A boy was in love with him and when he found out he hated him, not that wade was making it hard. But Ryder showed his true colours when he neglected to even be in the same club as him. As much as i wanted to believe these where just poisonous thoughts it all made sense.

I felt angry and alone and fell to my bed, i lay there and couldn't sleep, angry and pathetic thoughts kept creeping threw my mind. i felt a soft vibration from my jeans and it jolted me up, i reached and pulled out my pocket. It was Ryder, i guess he was done with Quinn. I wasn't sure i wanted to answer, i wasn't sure if i wanted to hear the story of how he lost his virginity to Quinn of all people, because i knew he would want to tell me, i was his best friend, i was his only friend and then the betrayal feeling came back.

" hey" i said sharply.

" Blaine... where are you?" i heard scratchy threw the other line. I felt my heart squeeze at his alarmed tone, it sounded almost like he was panicked.

" why would you care?" i found myself asking even though i knew something was not right with him.

" what, what are you talking about?" he asked " Blaine why did you leave me there, i took Quinn to the washroom and you just split?" part of me wanted to laugh and the other half of me wanted to go get him.

" you took her to the washroom..." i said sarcastically.

" to throw up Blaine!" he said " god after you left Jake started a fight with me, i had no one in my corner, they all think i hooked up with her, puck wants me dead, Finn just looked..."

" wait you weren't hooking up with Quinn?" i asked in a mixture of relief and disbelief.

" no!" he said " what made you think that?"

" you just disappeared" i said jumping out of my bed and walking across the room, the alcohol was completely out of my system at this point. " look I'm on my way, did Jake hurt you?"

" no , Finn and Sam broke it up, actually I'm with Sam right now" he said, i wasn't sure how to feel about that.

" okay then i will be right along to get the two of you then" i said.

" three" Ryder said significantly more calm that he had been when i answered the phone. "kitty is here"

" right..."

" ask him if we can get food" i head Sam say in the back ground and i rolled my eyes he was clearly drunk.

" shut up" Ryder said. " that was Sam"

" I'm not paying for him" i said grabbing my car keys. I found them on the next street over from Finn and Kurt's.

" okay so bro" Sam said jumping in shot gun to my disappointment. " so Quinn is mega drunk and her face is starting to look green" i nodded clearly Sam was taking the reigns as story teller. " and i was waiting a while to take a piss right? So i knocked like a million times and Ryder comes to the door and all i can here is heaving from inside Quinn was wrecked, so i get her some water and crackers from the kitchen being the genuine guy that i am"

" so when does the written copy of this novel hit the shelves?" kitty asked sarcastically.

" I'll take that as a complement!' he spat. I started driving looking for somewhere to eat. "so any-who, i relieve Ryder being that i was once Quinn's boyfriend i know how to handle her, and when i come down like twenty minutes later big and little puck are both in my boys face"

" so you defended him?" i asked almost surprised he looked at me flatly.

" damn straight, i knew the truth" he said with a shrug. " so i was like peace, screw you guys and your damn party which was supposed to be a barbeque and the only food i saw was that funky cheese and crackers Kurt served"

" that's noble" i said to which Sam beamed in his drunkenness. " and you kitty?"

" I'm a good judge of character" she said with a sly smile, i guess i couldn't argue with her in regards to Sam or Ryder.

" look I'm sorry Blaine" Sam said i felt my face growing red.

" not the time Sam" i suggested. He nodded looking out the window, but the sentiment was still much appreciated. I pulled into the parking lot to the steak pit and Sam's face lit up in wonder.

" steak pit !" Sam said "you don't even like cheese steaks, you are my favourite person in the world Blaine Anderson" i knew this was all coming from his drunken state and i honestly felt like i owed it to Sam after the way we had been fighting lately. He jumped from the car and quickly entered the outside line, kitty followed less enthused. And i turned to look at Ryder who had kept quiet in the tale of how the night transpired after i left.

" look Ryder" i started.

" no, i didn't even want to go to this party and i thought you understood that" he said . "but just like everyone else you thought i was hooking up with her" he was so upset. " you basically talked to Kurt for hours than left when you realized that it was going nowhere" that felt sharp.

" excuse me?" i asked hurt. " what was i supposed to occupy my time with only you, am i supposed to hold your hand and walk you threw your awkwardness?" i knew it was a low blow but he made the first move.

" right Blaine because watching you try to hold on to something that you have clearly lost isn't awkward enough for everyone", i felt the words in the back of my eyes pinching, i couldn't believe he was saying these things to me, why was he being so mean? This was a side of Ryder i was not used to where did this voice come from?

" what is your problem?"

" i don't have a problem" he said closing me off. "but you can choose to think what you want about me" i understood his anger of my mistake but why he had taken it to this level was almost unforgivable. His arms where crossed and he was angry after having time to stew it was clear something was eating him up inside that he felt the need to take out on me.

" well then maybe you can choose to stand on your own" i said frosty.

Moments later Sam and kitty came back to the car, Sam had a paper bag in his hand with three large cheese steaks in it.

" i got one for the two of you" he said excitedly, i nodded forcing a grin and began driving.

" i don't exactly feel like eating in my car" i said as we drove down the dark country road. " Sam do you want to stay the night at my place?" i asked him. My better judgement was to not ask Ryder.

" yeah " he said almost too quickly, clearly the distance closing was a relief to him.

" kitty , wheres home?" i asked, she shrugged eating a fry out of the brown paper bag in her hands. " you don't have a house?"

she dead panned"of course i have a house i just don't feel like going too it" she said.

" okay" i said awkwardly, its not like a girl had never stayed at my house Rachel and Mercedes stayed over all the time last year. I shared eyes with Ryder threw the rear view mirror all the way back to my house, i decided i would not give Ryder the option, my better judgement told me showing up at home tonight would only cause him real harm

" look its only past midnight" she said. " why does the party have to end now?" she pulled out a full 26er of fireball whisky and a small black flask from her large purse. " i brought the whiskey for a group shot but that barbeque was vanilla, i have a flask full of vodka and a blunt rolled in my clutch, whats the verdict?" well all looked at her and it was as if we all shared the same conclusion. The night was still young.

A/N: okay so this one is a long one but its sort of where the story starts to grow a little bit more mature. I know how i want this story to go but how i get there is pretty much up in the air. If there are any songs you think would fit the story well don't be afraid to tell me in a review. i cant promise this story is going to be a happy one but when are my stories ever for the most part up lifting? Until my next post. Review and like ;D


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: i do not own glee , okay I'm glad i got that off of my chest

Chapter 9: truth or dare

Ryder

We found ourselves at the pond on the outskirts of the ravine behind McKinley, there was an old fashion wooden swing and we sat around in the grass passing around the bottle of fireball. I glanced at Blaine once more who looked back at me. I felt bad for saying all of that stuff, i truly did but i couldn't shake the feeling of dirtiness that came along with the knowledge that Blaine thought i had hooked up with Quinn.

Its what the rest of them thought and that was something i had often struggled with when it came to Blaine. I felt like he was so on the fence with me and i could slip at any moment.

" i drove here" Blaine said passing it along.

" and i live three blocks that way" kitty said pointing passed the football filed. " i have ample space for crashers." We all looked at her unsure and she rolled her eyes. "seriously , I'm not that awful"

" no its not that... s its just" Sam said biting his lip . " will your parents be cool with three guys sleeping in their house?"

" they aren't home" she said as if she was patently scolding a kinder gardener. " they are on a retreat in the Congo"

" okay so then its settled" i said turning to Blaine. " drink" he looked at me timid but i looked at him challengingly. He rolled his eyes and took a swig squinting his eyes from the burn.

" now you" he said coughing while passing the bottle to me, i took it caressing his hand slightly at the exchange. He looked behind him at the darkness of woods to draw away attention, i looked at him and sipped the bottle twice .

" I'm kind of warm" Blaine said pulling his wool sweater off.

" well it is June" kitty said. " Mr Rodgers" i smirked for a second i thought she had forgotten to insult someone. She pulled out a brown little cigar and a pink lighter. And sparked it up.

" is that pot?" Blaine asked alarmed.

" dude" Sam said " live"

" there is a dentifrice between living and doing drugs, this is not yolo" i couldn't help but scoff he looked over at me and frowned. " you have an opinion on the matter?"

" no" i said not thinking it worth repeating that he was just like Marley, he was Innocent squeaky clean and ultimately of a different make then i was, i had grown up around drugs and alcohol both to him pot was marijuana and it made me laugh a little that he was so afraid to let his hair down , metaphorically and physically speaking.

" please Ryder share" he continued.  
" i dare you to smoke pot" i said, he looked at me incredulously. " seriously, i dare you"

" that's the stupidest thing i have ever heard, this is not a game" Blaine said.

I wanted to laugh again, he was so unimpressed with something that he knew nothing about so i wanted him to try it.

" it is now" Sam said " truth or dare" kitty smiled devilishly and Sam rubbed his hands together.

" this is going to get gay in a matter of minutes." Kitty pointed out and i couldn't help but swallow my tongue, that was not really want i had in mind. " hear are the rules, you say dare, you do the dare or you drink and remove an article of clothing, you choose truth you drink because truth is for pussies and the group votes about weather they believe your truth"

" and if they don't?" Blaine asked skeptically.

" you remove one article of clothing" she said seductively. Whose attention she was trying to get was unknown. " are you all game?"

" I'm in" Sam said

I nodded and we all looked at Blaine, he still looked like he had doubt and i gave him that final nudge. " afraid to get your hands dirty?"

" not at all" he took the blunt and inhaled lightly and exhaled in small fit of coughs. "there, i did it, now its my turn" he said exasperated. He passed the blunt to Sam who smoked it intently. He glared at me and i felt as though he was going to try and get back at me. " kitty, i dare you to kiss Sam, on the lips tongue"

" kinder garden" she said taking Sam by the collar and kissing him hard. It lasted almost a minute and i found my eye wondering to Blaine. After kitty was done she looked at me. "truth or dare?" she asked.

" dare" i said.

" i dare you to kiss Blaine" she said " tongue" she mimicked Blaine's voice and i cracked up.

" you don't have to" Blaine delicately said shying away, i couldn't tell him how bad i wanted to, as annoyed as i was i still couldn't shake the feelings i felt for him.

" do you not want to?" i asked him with a shrug. " because I'll do it" he looked at me cautiously.

" if you don't you both have to drink and take off cloths" Sam said almost more excited then we where. " I've never scene guys kiss before."

I scooted closer to him in the grass till i was siting right beside him, i could feel his heart beating like a drum as i put my arm around his shoulder. We shared a brief look before i closed my eyes and kissed him. It was like light blurred my vision, the taste the feeling it was all right. I opened my mouth just slightly and let my tongue caress his lips he opened his mouth and our tongues danced for a moment before we gently pulled away. I heard him mumble something incoherently that almost sounded like oh my god. I didn't bother moving back over to where i was siting before.

" Sam" i said with a evil grin. " truth or dare?"

" dare duh" he said

" i dare you to strip down to nothing and run a lap on the track" i said crossing my arms. He shrugged standing up and shedding down to nothing, we all covered our eyes and he laughed.

" I'm not afraid to get a little naked" he said flexing.

" you should be" kitty said looking at his penis.

" he packs a mighty punch" he said running and doing a cartwheel. Blaine laughed his face a crimson red, it made me feel a little weird wondering if Blaine had ever had feelings for Sam.

Sam got back modestly covering his junk " shrinkage" we all let out disbelieving laughs as he redressed. " kitty i dare you to kiss me again"

" you cant do that" Blaine said " play fair"

" okay okay" he said " kitty i dare you to show us your boobs" she rolled her eyes taking a shot of the fire ball and pulling off a flat.

" no way are you seeing my boobs tonight Evans" she said

" fair enough" he said with a shrug. He was laying on the flirt a little thick.

" Ryder" she said Turning towards me.

" truth" i said deciding to change it up a little she scoffed. "what?" she shook her head motioning for me to never mind, she thought for a second before we all noticed a light bulb go off in her head.

" how did you get the bruise?" i felt the weight of the world falling down on me, i wasn't expecting that but then again why had i let my guard down to kitty enough to let her ask.

" that's a dumb question" Blaine defended i looked over at him not sure how i felt about him coming to my rescue. " you don't have to answer"

" no its cool" i said with a shrug, there was no point in avoiding it now, all it would do was alienate me further. " my dad punched me in the face, not for the first time" both kitty and Sam stared at me in horror. " i skipped some class and he hit me"

" it doesn't justify..." Blaine began but i put a soft hand on his shoulder. I stood up and pulled off my shirt and turned around, kitty let out a small gasp.

" whats that from?" Sam asked.

" i started an argument with my dad while he was drunk" i said turned around from the group so they could all see my burn. " so my dad pushed my shoulder to a hot burner" Blaine's face was buried in his hand, this was clearly affecting him a lot more than it should be. " my dad beats me and that is why i have all of the bruises, kitty truth or dare?" she didn't say anything and just kept starring at me, i knew this was going to happen once i said something.

" i knew there was something wrong , something more than the catfish thing i mean" kitty said.

" when did this stop being a game?" i asked irritated that the topic was still up for discussion, she wanted to know, she had hounded me at school and even now while paying a harmless game of truth or dare she wouldn't let it go and i thought once she knew for sure she would let it go.

" when you drooped that bomb" Sam intervened. " why didn't you tell anyone?"

" because its no one else business" i said " its my business"

" and evidently Blaine's" kitty chimed in.

" i walked in on him and saw the burn" he said " i gave him cream"

I wanted to grab his hand and squeeze it tight, you gave me hope. " look you both know and i would like to make sure this is not on the glee club gossip reel"

" i would never say a word dude" Sam confirmed . " honestly till now i thought it was Jake" it seems the whole school is just content to believe that, i guess i shouldn't be so surprised it was only a matter of time before the tension was just too much for one of us.

" yeah mums the word" kitty said. I pulled my shirt back over my head and sat back down next to Blaine. " kitty truth or dare"

The rest of the night had us drinking the rest of fire ball whisky and smoking more pot which Blaine significantly lightened up on after the effect started to kick in. Truth or dare got hotter to say the least, kissing Sam was like kissing a mannequin he was so stiff , but i would expect nothing less from a straight guy. Though he seemed a little more comfortable kissing Blaine, history i suppose. The walk back to kitty's house was slow and distracting in our polluted state. I had my arm slung lazily around Blaine's shoulder as he clung tight. For some reason that kiss solidified a lot or awkwardness between the two of us and curiosity took its place, weather it was from the alcohol or if we had just crossed a threshold of understanding we would find out in the morning. " so there are two guest rooms down this hall... and i am down that one" kitty said pointing down the opposite direction.

" well you two can share cause i don't sleep in the same bed as dudes" Sam said deciding to take the room on the left, i had to say i was surprised i was even sleeping at kitty's large and beautiful mansion so the fact that i was getting to sleep in a bed was a blessing getting to share with Blaine was a double edged sword at the moment since we where fighting. I collapsed on the bed without taking anything off and i heard the zipper of pants behind me. I felt movement and turned to see Blaine under the covers .

" night" he said turning towards the wall.

" i don't want to go to bed yet" i said dazing up at the ceiling head spinning .

" well i am" he said i decided to strip down and get under the covers as well. I could feel the warmth radiating off of his body and curled my arm around his torso and intertwined my legs with his till my feet where cocooned around his. " Ryder... what are you doing?" he asked clearly still awake, the alcohol had made me bold, and i wanted this , but did he?

" cuddling" i said simply burrowing my face in the back of his neck, i felt his goosebumps and giggled. " you're warm" i felt him slowly move his arm and place his hand over mine, i thought he was going to pull away but he didn't and instead clutched out fingers together

" what are we?" he asked groggy.

" we will decide in the morning" i said kissing his shoulder. He let go of my hand and turned around in my arms he looked at me in the eyes and i felt the heat from below surfacing to my face. Our chests where now pressed together and i could feel his erection poking me in the waste.

" or we could decide now" he reached his hand down into the elastic band of my underwear and my breath hitched as i shivered in pleasure. Blaine was also shaking nervously at the contact. This was new territory that neither of us knew how to tame. I pressed my lips to his as he stroked my member, my breaths where become heaver with every stroke, i found my hands desperately searching for his erection finding it and pulling it from his boxer-briefs. He used his other arm to pull the blankets off of us and seeing him nearly completely naked , actually seeing his penis put me over the edge.

" I'm gonna..." i said panicked " shit..." i exploded all over Blaine's chest as soon as the first morsel of my cum his pectorals he had a similar moment all over me. I let out a sigh of pleasure and relief. Blaine made his way across the hall to the guest bathroom and stole a towel for the two of us to clean up. Lying there naked waiting for him gave me a sobering look on the situation. It was not a girl about to walk back into the room. Blaine came back in and wiped his chest with the towel i did the same and he sat back down on the bed next to me my dick was still hard and hanging out of my underwear Blaine more than examined it and for some reason it couldn't get un-hard, maybe it was the fact that he was sitting right next to me. After a few moments Blaine just decided to pull off my underwear completely and then did the same cuddling into my chest, i pulled him close and we fell asleep naked in each others arms.

Sam

It was almost noon and kitty was still asleep beside me. Last night was crazy, i had not expected kitty to come to my room in the middle of the night and take me back to hers, though that game of truth or dare had been hot and we had kissed more than once, i had just never thought she had liked me it was a bit of a shock considering i wasn't even sure i liked her, but after last night i had thrown cation to the wind, there was a clear glee club divide and i was learning i was on the minority side of the spectrum. I wasn't sure what it meant but i was sure i liked it. My mind drifted to Ryder and Blaine, poor broken Ryder and Blaine who i worried about every day. Kurt's disregard for his feelings by bringing Adam home to Lima was uncalled for. And this connection to Ryder, i just didn't want him to get hurt. I decided that i was just going to get up i don't think kitty would mind if i left, it was Sunday and i had homework.

I pulled on my jeans and walked down the hall towards the guest room where i had left my t shirt, i noticed the door to the room across the hall was still shut meaning Ryder and Blaine where most likely still knocked out. I knocked on the door and opened it a crack, i still needed a ride home. When i entered i found Blaine and Ryder cuddled up together under the covers, there where discarded cloths all over the ground and humiliation filled me as i backed out of the room and shut the door.

A/N: i really need to start updating more quickly, but i constantly find myslef endlessly busy so i never find time, but i have found so time tonight so i hope you enjoy this chapter and i promise i will have another up in less than a week.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: i do not own glee, but i am excited for it to start, so start allready!

Chapter 10: i am yours

Blaine

_Something in the way he moves _

_Attracts me like no other lover _

_Something in the way he woos me _

_I don't want to leave him now_

_You know i believe and how_

I sang the lyrics to the small group of glee clubbers, who listened intently. _Your asking me where my love grows, i don't know , i don't know. _

Marley swayed to the beat and matched her tone to mine for a harmony _You stick around now it may show, i don't know , i don't know _

It sounded a lot better then i had expected and i went with it till the end of the song. Mr Schue and Marley clapped and the rest of the club kind of just sat there. " that was beautiful Blaine" Marley gushed.

" was that another song about Kurt?" Tina asked irritated. " you are supposed to be singing something that represents you remember? " her snippy attitude was almost too much for me today. In fact the song was not about Kurt, it was about Ryder and it was just for the hell of it since i had failed last weeks assignment.

" all this proves is Blaine can skip glee assignments and still gets the best parts in songs come competition time" Artie said, i was angry with Artie at the moment because of his lack of grace and telling the whole party that Ryder had hooked up with Quinn.

" guys that's not true and you know it" Mr Schue said. " and that was last weeks assignment Blaine volunteered to kick off our next assignment"

" which is what?" kitty asked

" i want you guys to go big, the Beatles are one of the biggest bands the world has ever scene, we are not far away from nationals which means we need to start thinking big" once again the club starting mumbling their ideas and me and Sam shared a mutual look of agreeing that glee was now over for us. " so..." Sam said awkwardly as we walked down the hall. I looked at him oddly unsure of what he was getting at.

" something up?" i asked him confused,

" i just... its nothing" he said deciding not to tell me what was on his mind, frankly i was fine just letting him be evasive, if its important enough than it will surface in time.

" well whats not nothing is Tina's comment about Kurt" i said scrunching my eyebrows. I didn't understand what had turned her so sour lately but it was starting to get on my last nerve. Its not my fault i didn't feel the same way as her and she needed to stop treating me like i was her boyfriend or we where never going to be able to be friends.

" well..." he said " i mean its true right, you sing a million ballads a month about him" i scoffed.

" who says its about him?" i asked "who says i haven't moved on?" Sam raised an eye brow i could tell he was amused by the idea.

"have you moved on?" he asked.

I thought about Ryder in all of his awkward glory, he was so shy so timid so cute and sincere and he was a Major cuddle monster. I didn't really know where we stood, after the night we spent at kitty's house we never talked about it, we just re-lived it and acted like it was normal. Maybe it was just normal to us. But the idea of anyone else knowing was bad for Ryder. " maybe"

" I'm calling bull shit" he said with a shrug. " but hey if you want to work on something this week i am down, I'm all about big, so i was thinking big and rich"

" save a horse, ride a cowboy" i said nodding my head. " yeah sounds good just tell me when" i left him behind and went straight towards Ryder's locker. I was not sure where we stood. Saturday night had been rocky but then it finished in something i never thought would ever happen. But then Sunday he went home and stayed home. I had barely scene him all day since i had to convince Mr. Schue to let me make up for me not performing last week and now i was dying to see him. When i saw no one at his locker in the rush of students leaving my shoulders shrunk, was he avoiding me?

" looking for someone?" i heard from behind. Ryder walked passed me a cute smile plastered on his face.

" sorry i couldn't see you at lunch" i said biting my lip.

" oh its no biggie i just sat with kitty" he said. " and then Marley sat down with us" my eyes widened.

" how was that?" i asked.

"weird" he said " awkward weird" i nodded, i wish he would give me some sort of sign of how we where going to be proceeding with... well us. " she asked me to come back to glee and then kitty was on her side instantly" i wanted to say something that would support their notion but i knew it would only further the gap that began the night all of that stuff was said.

" are you busy right now?" i asked him, he shook his head. " okay good, we need to talk" he closed his locker and we walked towards the parking lot exit.

" i figured you would want to talk" he said with a small smirk. I was sort of insulted by it and had to remind myself he was two whole years younger than i was and when i was his age that was something i might have done having gotten a hand job from a boy i liked.

" its about more than just what we did" i said discreetly walking passed a group of girls.

He frowned. " is it about the fight?" its like he was reading my mind. he had thought about the same things i had i could only hope we could get past it.

" i thought sex was the answer to that" he said as if i should have come to that conclusion already. I furrowed my eyebrows. That is not right and i knew that he knew that.

" you said a lot of mean things" i said

" i was angry" he said " i was wrong, i... i really like you Blaine and i was jealous" since most of his comments where directed to me and Kurt's relationship it was not hard to believe. " I'm sorry" i was almost at a loss for words, with Kurt it would be a cryptic mess but with Ryder its like he knew what i was feeling and how he would feel if he where in my position.

" so are we...?" i asked not knowing how to define what Ryder and i where.

" we are what we are" he said

" which is what?"

" is it this important to you that i say we are boyfriends?" he asked.

" no , guess not" i said sombrely blushing. I guess he didn't like terms of endearment. I climbed into my car and he got into the passenger side. As soon as his door was shut he kissed me on the lips hard.

" you are my boyfriend" he said kissing me again. "and i am yours"

Marley

Sometimes kitty just annoyed me, like today at lunch for example, i just wish she had let me talk to Ryder alone, maybe then he would have told me what is going on with him, if i where him i wouldn't want to tell kitty either. I tried to catch up with him after school but he left with Blaine hastily and i ended up just standing at the end of the hall way watching him leave. " miss another chance?" Jake said coming up beside me.

" what?" i asked " no , just leave me alone Jake"

" I'm surprised you are even trying" he smirked " he's hooking up with Quinn. The idea that Ryder was stooping to Quinn Fabrey made me sad, she was just like kitty.

" you don't know that for sure" i said walking away. " why are you being such a jerk anyway?"

" because you are supposed to be my girlfriend not his" he said " but i guess I'm just not good enough for you"

I stopped in my tracks and turned around. " Jake i do love you, you where my boyfriend and it was your lack of trust in me that ended us. It had nothing to do with you not being good enough for me."

" that hasn't stopped you from trying to get with Ryder" he spat. Why couldn't he understand that this had nothing to do with that, i was just concerned about his well being, why was Jake being so mean to Ryder in the first place, they used to be friends?

" i just don't get it Jake" i said " why cant we all just be friends?"

" i don't know, ask Ryder" he said.

" why don't you?" i suggested walking away completely from Jake and making my way to the entrance of the school. I was done talking to Jake about Ryder, he was too jealous and i didn't want to not be able to have a guy as a friend in case Jake got angry. I just wish i could make sure he didn't take it out on Ryder. I saw Blaine's car was gone and i seethed, why was he so damn meddling? I could be the friend Ryder needed if Blaine weren't such an attention hog. Every day he whisked him off and no one got any time with him. No wonder Ryder was so anti social he only ever had time for Blaine Anderson these days. I sighed frustrated.

" hey gurll" i saw unique crossing the parking lot towards me in a pair of Black pumps and a day dress. " it is hot out here today!"

" hey girl" i said putting my arm threw hers. " so did you have any idea what you are going to do for Mr. Schues assignment?"

" oh i got this honey" she said with a snap. " don't worry your little head, just worry about getting back with your boo" i sighed again and she raised an eyebrow. " wagwan little one?"

" i don't know unique, I'm just not sure i want to be with Jake anymore"she dead panned and looked away. " what?" i asked wondering what had her so silent all of the sudden.

" oh nothing girl" she said simply " ... its just you don't want to work for it anymore"

My eyes widened, i did want to try, all he wanted to do was talk about Ryder and i had tried to make him see there was nothing for him to worry about. " i did so try"

" obviously not hard enough" unique pointed out " if you ask me he has a right to be angry, if you ask me i think Ryder is no good!"

I couldn't agree with her on that subject. " i think he is just misunderstood, he already had trust issues, and then..."

" Marley i told you i don't like talking about it" she said unlinking our arms. " look if you are taking his side"

" I'm not taking anyone's side unique" i defend before she got truly angry. " i was merely pointing out that there are two sides to every story" i felt trapped being unique's friend sometimes, like i had to choose my words carefully. I've noticed that if you don't share her views and you don't agree with everything she says then you are her enemy how we have lasted this long is a testament to my patience.

" well like i said, i don't want to talk about it" this time she said it with a fierce sneer and i knew that i wanted to be anywhere but around her. I wanted to remind her that she brought it up again after she said she didn't want to talk about it but i think it would only start a rant.

" okay well i guess I'll see you tomorrow , I'm swamped with home work" i said stopping at the side walk, it was days like these that i thanked god that we lived in opposite directions.

" uh-uhh girl I'm picking you up at 7 we need to rehearse" she said i internally groaned, it had been such a while since i had preformed by myself i wanted that so much but i guess unique had something planed, i couldn't let her down.

" right, okay ill see you then" i said walking away down the side walk. After dinner i worked on my science diorama and then got threw 18 of my 50 math problems before i heard the familiar sound of countdown by Beyonce.

" we're outside" i head several girls yell" i got up from my dining room table and put away my work and went out to see sugar and Tina sitting in the back seat. They took one look at me and then laughed.

" what?" i asked.

" girl what you wearing?" unique asked.

" sweats" i said getting into the car " we are rehearing are we not?" they laughed again,

"i cant believe that worked" Tina said, i was confused now.

" well i had to tell her something" unique said all fun and games and girlfriends . " she wouldn't have come"

" can someone tell me what the hell is going on?" i asked aggravated at the high level of valley girl happening in this car.

" we are just going to a party" unique said. I rubbed my forehead, this was not what i needed to be doing on a Monday night, exams where in a week and a half and home work was cramming up all of my time , unique knew the only way to get me to do it was to make me believe it was for glee.

" i told you i have home work" i said " a lot"

" gawd Marley don't be such a party pooper" unique said turning the corner. I was so aggravated at her i wanted to just yell in her face, maybe she was okay getting by with B's and C's but i put education over fun for at least this part of the school year.

" I'm sorry i care about my education" i said " there will be a million parties in the summer"

" a million that you wont get invited to if you are a pencil pushing nerd" she rebutted, Tina just laughed. It was stuff like that that made me not want to be in glee to begin with at the beginning of this school year, i glared at her in the rear view mirror and noticed sugar was stiff blushing. I was convinced that the glee club had changed but clearly some refused to be so humble, that was maybe why Ryder quit. I turned to unique.

" stop the car" i said.

" this is a no parking zone girl" she said with a giggle.

" stop the fucking car!" unique screeched to a halt

" excuse me?" she asked.

" unique i told you i had home work but you lied to me saying you wanted to rehearse a number for glee" i accused. " you cant always get what you want!"

" well if you want to go home and be a loser then go right ahead" she said, her words cut deeper then anyone else, the other girls sat in the back silent.

" fine i will" i barked " and while we are at it why don't you go and be the victim you want everyone to believe you are, when in reality you played a cruel trick on someone and you are mad because he doesn't like you back!" there was an intake of breath. " so you manipulate people into not liking him, well i refuse to be manipulated!"

" get out" unique said in barley a whisper and i gladly did so. The car zoomed off almost before i had time to shut the door. I walked the few blocks she had driven from my house proud of the way i had stuck up for myself.

A/N: another one bits the dust, i hope this is an enjoyable read to keep you busy till glee starts in a few weeks, i can assure you i will have a lot more postings before then. The story is going to start taking a bit of a darker turn in the chapters to come so fair warning. And please review, I'm down on my hands and knees, feedback is fuel guys ;)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: i do not own glee and there for cant make more episodes come out faster, but you can enjoy my story in the meantime!

Chapter 11: a not so happy ending

Blaine

" we really need to talk" i sighed taking my world history book from my locker. " and this time its not about Ryder, well it sort of is but I'm not digging or anything okay?" i turned around and looked at Marley.

" what is it?" i asked impatiently this was the last class of the day and Ryder and i where going to the movies after school.

" its the glee club" she said i could see the stress in her eyes. " nationals are in less than a week we have no numbers and we are down two members, what are we going to do?"

" yeah that's kind of a new directions thing" i said biting my lip. " its fucked i know but trust me everything will be alright in the end"

" this isn't a television show Blaine" she dead panned.

" so what is your plan because we will never have Brittney back" i said " and Ryder... i don't know"

She sighed and leaned against the locker beside mine. " look if you are worried about unique, i put her in her place last night" i was completely surprised that Marley had found the courage to talk back to unique. She had always seemed like the type to crumble under pressure. " I'm sort of pissed of actually she has been really mean lately and if you even mention Ryder..."

" yeah i learned that" i said " look i know your intentions are good but i just don't see anyone convincing Ryder to come back least of all anyone in the club" i shrugged and began walking to my last class of the day.

" what about you?" she asked i raised an eyebrow and she rolled her eyes. " don't give me that look Blaine, we all know you are the only person he talks too these days, well you and Quinn i guess" i wanted to silence the rumours that he and Quinn had hooked up but it didn't really help our relationship , of which Ryder avoided talking about at all costs. If i said anything it would solidify myself as someone he trusted with that sort of info and thus breeding rumours he was gay. I never thought i would be in a closet relationship considering Kurt and i had been the out and proud poster children, but in Ryder's situation it could well end his life to come out of the closet.

" i don't know Marley, i don't want to step on his toes" i confessed. She groaned irritated.

" Blaine" she said exhausted with my evasiveness. " do you even care about the glee club anymore, we need help and no one seems to care to do anything, even Mr. schue is relaxing as if there is no problem at all, and have you even scene Finn since that party?"

" i do care" i said thinking about Ryder's mother standing in my door glaring at my mother with an accusing finger and bit my lip. " some thins are just more important"

" well i hope you remember that when we get disqualified for the second time this year!" she moaned i let out a small scoff.

" wasn't that your fault?" i asked " the first one i mean?"

" kitty took in my dresses to convince me to think i was fat" she said. " that was serious!"

i turned around to look at her. " so lets get this right, kitty's manipulating you into anorexia was a bad thing to do...?"

" i see where this is going" she said.

" , and it must have hurt after everyone practically blamed you, so why should i convince Ryder to come back to a club where he feels unwanted and uncomfortable?" i said defending him " the glee club is not what it used to be and even what it used to be was sometimes unbearable"

" i just want us all to come together" she said.

" i think that ship has sailed Marley" i walked away.

Ryder

English was a lot easier when i didn't feel like i sucked at it. When we discussed books we where meant to read i never joined in in the discussion i was always afraid someone would think i was stupid but the confidence Mr Rodgers had in me was a boost. And since Blaine and i had dare i say ... did all of our home work on a Friday night and there for shocked all of my teachers. I had a feeling that Blaine was going to make me better in every single way, which only made the reality of him leaving all to real. I hated thinking about it , especially now that we had finally come to terms with our feelings.

" Ryder come here a second" Mr Rodgers said from his seat at the front, everyone else was reading their novel studies. I pulled myself up and walked down the row of desks

" yeah?' i asked.

" so listen" he said with a confident smile. " i pulled a couple of strings and it was a late entry but your story qualified"

" already?" i asked surprised that it had been less than a week. He shrugged.

" like i said , it was late, but i have some pull and it is a great story after all" he said, i could tell he was proud to say the least, not that i had ever had anything of a relationship with my English teacher before he found out i was a good writer.

" so what does that mean?" i asked.

" well it means that you and ten others will be celebrated at a banquet for young writers" i felt a strange sort of pride inside of me when he said that, only ten others in the whole of Ohio and i was one of them, i felt like i had gotten a golden ticket. " the judges will be handing out honers too all of the writers but the winning story wins the check and qualify's to the national writing competition"

" the national writing competition" i mumbled to myself.

" looks like i don't need to do much convincing" he laughed.

" i don't have to read it like out loud do i?"

" no" he said " its just about the writing there will be a program filled with every entry that anyone can buy, so tell your parents, its a whole dress up thing" i frowned at those words, i was not sure this was something i wanted my parents to come too. I'm not sure i could trust them to say sober. I'm not sure i could even trust them to show up, but maybe Blaine would want to go, maybe the Anderson's would all like to go.

" yeah, that would be great" the bell rang shortly after i got back to my desk and i packed up my things once again feeling good about my life.

Blaine was once again outside waiting for me when i left and i couldn't help but smile as we walked together down the hall towards the door to the school, but i could sense the apprehension off of him. " whats up?" i asked he squinted with a shrug.

" i just, i talked to Marley today" i dead panned. " glee club only has ten members, nationals are this weekend in Cincinnati, means we probably will have to forfeit because of lack of members..."

" i get it" i said suddenly feeling the happiness of my success with my story crumble around me. I was still an ass hole to everyone else.

" look..."

" if you are going to ask me to come back don't waste your breath" i said walking towards my locker, he sighed heavy and i rolled my eyes.

" Ryder you have friends in the club, me Sam kitty..." he argued but i was hearing none of it, i didn't want to be in glee.

" that still wouldn't solve your problem, you would still need one more person to make twelve" i pointed out. He shook his head.

" don't mock our failure" he said i rolled my eyes scoffing. I didn't realize he was going to fight with me about this. " I'm still a part of that group even if you aren't"

" so?" i asked.

" so don't you care about me?" the fact that he would ask such a thing was insulting. I didn't understand why he had to just create more drama. " i don't know why i even asked" he rubbed his brow and i frowned. Is that how Blaine truly felt, like he cared about me more then i cared about him? Even if those aren't the words he used what he said displays his feelings. I did care about Blaine a lot, but i have not shown him enough.

" you're right" i said realizing i was being selfish. His head snapped towards me.

" i am?"

" you are" i confirmed he was excited with a mixture of unease.

" so what does that mean?" he asked

" it means I'm going back to glee" i said before my mind caught up with my mouth.

Kitty

i had noticed something about Ryder since that party, but mostly about Ryder and Blaine. It was Wednesday afternoon and in the three days since the weekend their demeanour towards each other had changed completely. They where hooking up, finally, and now as if the heavens above where granting one wish they where walking together into the choir room. I caught a sneer from unique as they walked towards the rest of the group, others looked confused to see Ryder here but i revealed in knowing it was all a matter of time before Blaine had him wrapped around his finger.

" what is that doing here?" unique

" guys Ryder came to my office today and asked if he could rejoin" Mr schue said coming right before the paranas started nipping.

" and you said yes?" Jake protested.

" well considering we are still down one member for nationals we could use all of the good voices we can get" Mr Schue said . " i thought you would be happy Jake" Jake sat there arms crossed.

" but Mr Schue" unique said demanding.

" pipe down wade" i said " we need him more than we need to listen to your drama"

" its unique" she said with a snarl.

" that can easily change, you are still a boy dressed up as a girl" i challenged.

" kitty" Mr Schue warned, i rolled my eyes.

Ryder and Blaine sat beside each other closer to the back and i got up from my chair to join them, Sam i noticed stayed planted amongst Joe and Artie not giving either of them a second glance. I thinned my lip, he had been giving me the same treatment all week.

" so who is preforming first?" Mr Schue asked a very divided group of teenagers. When we all left i had to nearly run to catch up to Sam's speed walk.

" um hello?" i asked feeling i was coming on a little too eager by following him at all, usually i didn't have to work hard to get what i wanted but with Sam its like i didn't even exists. " i was trying to get your attention during that horrendous rendition of criss cross will make you jump jump, all it made me want to do was jump off of a cliff." he smiled trying not to show his amusement at my comment.

" is there something you wanted?" he asked

" um yeah, like why have you been ignoring me all week?" i asked, he stopped and turned.

" look kitty, i don't want you to think, what we did" he stammered, i felt the strangle of humiliation coming on so i frosted over my feelings quickly.

" obviously i would never tell a soul that i had sex with someone as stupid as you" i said carefully like i was talking to a child, he cringed with insult.

" right" he said moving on. I felt like such a bitch but better the bitch then the loser. I left the school heading towards my car, i felt the sting of Sam's rejection and wished i had never gone up to him in the first place.

" kitty" an annoying squeak behind me called, i rolled my eyes and turned towards Marley as she ran towards me. " kitty..."

" i already heard you" i said said plainly. " what is it forest gump"

" I'm going to ignore that" she said exasperated " and say thank you fort stinking up for Ryder today" i wanted to punch her in the face. I didn't do it for her, i did it for him.

" yeah that's great and all but i was thinking i could go back to having a life" i said cutting her off. " seeing as how its after school"

" right well..." she said offended " clearly you would go and shatter any illusion that you might actually be nice"

" trust me when i say..." i said " i truly don't care if you think i am nice or not" she looked at me as if she wanted to say more but decided better of it and walked away.

Marley

" guys we really need to get these dance numbers down if we want to even place a nationals " Mr Schue said standing in front of the group of us. It was Tina in front with me and kitty at her left and right and unique and sugar behind us. We where rehearsing the girls ensemble for c'mon by ke$ha, it was Friday and we had already gone threw the choreography for change your life the finally group number but the solo was still up in the air.

You could cut the tension with air amongst the group but for the sake of glee most of us just dealt with our aggression. Whispers where one of the many things i had had to deal with the last few days no thanks to unique Tina and sugar, we still lacked a 12th member but Mr. Schue as usual didn't care, we would have someone by last period for sure.

_Saw you leaning against that old record machine _

_saw the name of your band written on the marquee _

_its a full moon tonight so we getting rowdy yeah we gettin rowdy get get getting rowdy _

unique took the next part of the song spinning to the front of the pyramid as we all did our dance behind her

_c'mon cause i know what i like _

_and your looking just like my type _

_lets go for it just for tonight _

_c'mon c'mon c'mon _

It was all going to well, we had it down pat and it had only been three days since we had gotten the songs , i found myself looking around at the other girls who all looked to be having as much fun as i was, i noticed Tina and unique sharing look's and found it almost suspicious. We where coming to the bridge of the song where it was my turn to sing. I belted one last c'mon and then turned to take my place behind the front row and the last thing i remember before excruciating pain was the sneer unique gave me as she passed me,the next thing i knew i was on the ground taking a sharp intake of breath and groaning in pain.

" Marley!" i heard Blaine call but i was in a cocoon of pain, did wade push me , was that why he looked so angry? I had no idea all i knew was that my hip was hurting so badly and i couldn't move for fear that it would hurt me more that it already was.

"Marley are you okay?" Mr. Schue asked rushing threw the girls towards me.

" clumsy" Tina chimed

" hardly" kitty said. " you pushed her"

" excuse me?" i heard unique ask , so she did push me then, why would wade do that?

" you where supposed to walk threw me and Marley but you walked right into her" kitty said " i watched you do it , you where smiling"

" its not my fault the bitch walked right into me!" unique said " and I'm preforming you bet your ass i am smiling"

" marley are you going to be okay, do you need an ambulance?" Mr Schue asked concerned, weather that concern was for me or for the clubs national chances was a mystery. My heart was saying i was going to just get up and walk it off but the pain was urging me otherwise.

" yes" i caved. I knew this was serious.

" what if she is seriously injured unique?" Sam asked " then we can kiss nationals goodbye"

" good, that will just mean your glee club days are over" she said with sass " i still have two years honey"

" so do i" kitty challenged.

" then you better watch your back" Blaine clearly having Huguenot decided to stand as well.

" Mr Schue how are you standing for this?" he asked outraged. " this group is divided down the middle and you don't even care!"

" how much longer are you going to let this bullying last?" kitty yelled

" that's rich coming from you" Tina accused.

" shut it Tina Cohen Chang" she spat back

" all of you stop it now" Mr Schue said mortified. " the glee club has always been able to come together and ..."

" another glee club" Joe said randomly " another time" . Mr Schue paged for the nurse to call an ambulance and the club sat there in silence waiting to find out the fate of myself and the fate of the club.

Blaine

Marley left on a stretcher, not without a few wales of pain, the rest of us dwindled until there was only myself, Ryder, sugar, kitty, and Sam sitting there with Mr Schue leaning against the piano with his hand firmly covering his mouth and jaw, thinking.

" Mr Schue... what happens now?" sugar asked, clearly of the three conspirators Sugar was the only one who felt genuinely bad, it was a shame though that between her unique and Tina she was remarkably the worst singer of the three by a long shot.

" i don't know sugar" he said " most times... I'm just not sure, you guys should go home, don't worry about the club" i felt defeated.

" but what about the ones who don't have a club to come back to next year?" i asked getting emotional. " what about Sam and myself and Joe and Artie and even Tina?"

" what do you want me to do Blaine?" he asked spiteful. " if Marley has a broken hip she cant preform we where already down a guy there is no way we can replace one of our strongest singers, new directions is over for 2013 I'm sorry..."

It was like my world was shattering all around me, new directions failed, the glee club had failed like it never had before and we where not going to get the happy ending that we had before. I felt the tears nipping at my eyes and stood running from the room. I heard the squeak of sneakers behind me and found both Sam and Ryder.

" dude" Sam said " its all good"

" nothings good!" i yelled " we tried to fix it, Ryder tired" i looked at the boy i admired so much, the boy that put aside his differences, the boy who stands strong against his demons.

" some people are better then other people" Sam said honestly " it might sound rude but its true, some people just have better hears then others"

Ryder nodded and i smiled sadly biting my lip. " i just wish... i don't know" i truly didn't know , did i wish we could all be friends? No , honestly i don't want to be friends with some of the people in glee and that's just the way it is, but i do wish we could have come together for the greater good. That was something Finn Hudson had inspired more than once in his glee career and it made me sad that i was a part of a group that could not see past their own selfish needs, that it took me so long to see the good in people like Ryder and even kitty who was stalking towards us. It was endearing that she was never overly excited or angry or sad but just in a constant state of nonchalance , she had no one to impress and cared nothing for other peoples opinions and for some reason she reminded me of my cat.

" for what its worth, i don't think it would feel right winning next to someone like unique" she said as if she had heard the conversation from all the way down the hall. " she is a wolf in sheep's clothing and that will eventually reveal its self"

I shared a deep intense look with Ryder and sam looked oddly at us back and fourth. "okay so I've gotta say something" he said breathing deeply. " i saw you guys like sleeping Sunday morning and i know you are together because its kind of obvious so i would like it if you could at least not pretend around me because i think its just awkward whenever you look lustfully into each others eyes while still trying to keep the illusion that you are just friends and it would be less awkward if you just came out with it..."

" is that it?' kitty chirped.

" pretty much" he said " I'm glad i got that off of my chest"

Ryder blushed profusely looking rather turned off about the idea that other people besides me knew he was gay kitty looked uninterested and shrugged. " I've been convinced since last Friday..."

i grabbed his hand in mine and he looked at me as if to scold me and then looked around the empty hallways, it was almost five so no one was around and i felt his hand loosen comfortably and he relaxed into the grip

" so that wasn't so bad" Sam said " wanna go get some dinner or something?"

" do you ever stop thinking about food?" kitty asked

" not when its so close to one of the for daily meals" he said

" four?' Ryder asked

" breakfast lunch dinner and the midnight munchies" we all started walking threw the halls towards the exit once we walked outside though Ryder took his hand from mine, it felt a little soar but i understood.

" i could go for some bread-sticks" i said. It was a little odd that this was my new group. I never envisioned myself ever spending this much time with kitty or Ryder at the beginning of this school year yet here i was about to go to dinner with them on a Friday night.

" cool so you and Ryder in your car and I'll ride with kitty?"Sam asked it was clear he had a bit of a crush on kitty, clearly he liked girls who made fun of him kind heatedly, he told me once that Santana had not been that bad of a girlfriend for the time they where together and that after he found out that she was only dating Dave Karofsky as his beard he had even considered getting back with her but then he found Mercedes and she found the closet door.

" you've been quiet" i said, Ryder shrugged buckling his seat belt.

" I'm not elated about the rapid speed in which i am coming out to people" he said i frowned, i know this is new for him but it was just kitty and Sam whom i felt i could trust, Sam because he was my best friend and kitty for other reasons i couldn't quite put my finger on.

" i get that" i said understanding. " but i don't think we have anything to worry s about with them"

" that i can deal with, i guess..." he said " its something else, i cant help but feel like all of this is my fault" i touched his hand and he sighed.

" its not your fault Ryder" i said pulling his hand to my lips.

" well i know you would say that" he said still in doubt.

" no, I'm not just saying it because i like you better then any of them or any of that" i said " unique was the ice berg that sank the glee ship, you where just her point of contact" i assured him.

" that was a ridiculous metaphor" he said widening his eyes, i kissed his cheek starting the car.

" Ryder you didn't screw up anything" i said " in fact you are the best person in the glee club that there ever was"

" now i know you are just saying that..." he said

" yeah now i am just saying that" i gushed.

Ryder and i got to the restaurant a full forty minutes before kitty and Sam leaving us to make up all sorts of hilarious stories as we made out in the back seat of my car. It was kitty lightly tapping on the widow that made us realize how easily we could have gotten caught but the flirting was at a high and we realized some kissing had to be done. Sam moaned that it was time better spent waiting for a table but the fifteen minute wait was not so bad and kitty managed to order alcohol with a fake id. " you are my favourite person to do anything with" Sam said to her.

afterwards we went bowling where me and Ryder beat kitty and Sam despite Sam's bragging that he was the best bowler at McKinley.

" 242" i said loudly upon getting out of my car. Sam rolled his eyes walking from kitty's car.

" next time" Sam warned. I had invited the group back to my house under the pretences that it was a Friday night.

" your mom is adorable" kitty said in that way where you couldn't tell if she was being serious sitting down at the foot of my bed. " and i have to say, you have a nice digs"

" thank you?" i said she looked at me for a cold second and then grinned.

" you're welcome"

Sam spotted my guitar and started playing and the rest of the night we jammed singing our favourite songs and encoring our favourite glee performances, Ryder confessed he wanted to hear me sing against all odds again granted the words meant so much more now that i was singing it to him. Sam and kitty left together some time around 1 my mother gushed seeing Sam back at the house, she always thought he was good looking. When it was just Ryder and i sitting on the end of my bed i feared he would leave next. " do you have to go?"

" i don't want to" i couldn't help my excitement, he had stayed home all week i knew his mother was being a little more lenient on Ryder now that people may suspect her husband and her are abusive towards him, but still knowing that he is always at risk of getting hurt didn't help my sleep, i had noticed i had gotten my most comfortable sleeps when he was lying next to me, safe.

" good" i said, i didn't want to dig , i didn't want to ask what his excuse was i was content just knowing he was going to be here with me.

" your mom is asleep right?" he asked with a evil grin i nodded. " why don't we go swimming?" the idea was good because it was so hot getting closer to the end of the school year.

" but you don't have a bathing suit" i pointed out wondering if the alternative was what he had in mind.

" do i actually need one?" he said crossing the room and beginning to climb the stairs i blushed and followed slowly, i was thanking god my parents bedroom faced the street. When we reached the yard it was dark enough for us to slip out of our cloths and slip into the pool quietly. At first i couldn't see Ryder in the darkness but my eyes eventually adjusted and i could see his silhouette lined by the stars. I walked over to him he was leaning against the side looking up into the stars. " you know for the first time... its like my life feels good" it was happy to hear and sad all the same. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and leaned in his shoulder.

" I'm happy you're happy" i said.

"... its because of you" he said " you are the reason i am still here" i felt my heart clench i didn't like hearing him say things like that.

" what does that mean?" i asked he raised an eye brow.

" what?" i knew he wasn't confused.

" you wouldn't be here?" i asked " what does that mean?" he just looked up and then shrank under water coming back up his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. Was he evading the truth of his statement?

" i wouldn't be here in this place" he said " with you" i felt the heat of humiliation at knowing he was not being entirely honest. It was something i felt wrong about letting go but here and now there was not much i could say based on one sentence.

" here we are" i said with a forced smile, i really couldn't put anything into words without my true feelings showing so i just decided to float out to the deeper end of the pool. He stood at the end of the shallow end like a lost puppy. " come here" i said he shrugged standing there " what are you waiting for?" i asked confused as to why he was just standing there.

He turned away. " i... i cant swim" i looked at him like he couldn't be serious.

" yes you can" i said " just..." i swam to the far wall all the way at the end of the deep end. " swim to me, I'm not going to let you drown Ryder" he looked at me unsure and i dead panned. " you can swim Ryder" i encouraged from the other end of the pool. he walked deeper and deeper until it was too deep to stand and he went under, i could see his legs violently kicking and he was treading making sure his head stayed above the water, he was struggling for sure but he was making his way closer to me none the less.

" Blaine... i... i cant... i need you" he said panicked i could see his momentum was fading and his head was getting closer to the surface of the water. I decided he had swam far enough and went out to bring him back to the wall with me, when he clung to me i felt his penis brush against mine which only caused me to grow hard slowly. " thank you" he said holding my shoulders desperately. He closed the gap joining our lips.

Saturday morning i woke happily in Ryder's protective aquatically inept arms and yawned stretching against his chest, his breathing was still steady as he lay there. As usual i walked up the stairs to find my mother hidden behind the news paper " morning mom"

" now Blaine just because i was in Thailand doesn't mean i have gotten anything changes done to my body" i heard a male voice say. My eyes widened in excitement and awe.

" dad?" the newspaper came down and i came face to face with my father who looked both happy to see me and amused to punish me no doubt.

" yes it is me" he said " i know i feel like a stranger being gone for the last three weeks but i am still alive and still your father... so i know you would never break any of my rules" clearly he had come down stairs before i had woken up and i was in deep shit.

" how long have you been home anyway?" i asked nervous with a grin of optimism.

" long enough to see my son stuck to the chest of one of the boys from your glee club" he said.

" i don't suppose you could just let it slide this time only?" i asked " i mean i am turning 18 soon"

" but how old is Ryder?" he asked catching me in a situation. He was 16 but he had just turned 16 in April i said nothing. " i rest my case."

" okay how do you even know his name anyway?" i asked incredulously. I was not the type of kid who got into a lot of trouble.

" i forced details from your mom" he said " frankly i think your mother is to soft"

" cant you just be happy i have moved on from Kurt and found someone i really like?" i asked hoping he would just let it go.

" i am happy you have moved on" he said " but that doesn't change the talk i am going to be having with both of you after you wake him him up in about five minutes.

" dad is that really necessary?" i asked . " you never did this with Kurt"

" that's because when i first met Kurt he made us home made pot stickers and lettuce wraps" he justified. " the first time i am going to be meeting Ryder will be after he slept next to you in your bed... topless... doing god knows what"

" we haven't had sex" i confessed.

" well that is reassuring, considering i have only been gone for three weeks and before that i wouldn't have known him from any other generic named boy from your school." It was hard to think of Ryder as just another generic person. " but that's enough, go wake him up now" i sulked dreading the next few minutes i got to the top of the basement stairs and stopped turning around.

" why did you come down to my room in the first place?" i asked he frowned but i wanted to know.

" to give you the rain stick i got you that i am not sure i want to give to you now" he said. I smirked continuing down the stairs.

" fair enough" i said preparing myself for the most awkward conversation of my entire life.

A/N: okay you got me, its not the end of the story, but it is the end of the glee club, i hope you enjoyed this speedy update and one of my longer chapters too, as i said before this story is going to start taking a much darker turn, Unique's assault on Marley is just the beginning of it, Ryder and Blaine are going to have a rocky summer. Also Finns death in the chapters to come. Please review and follow.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: i don't own glee but i am super stoked for it to start tonight (as in a long time from now since i am updating at 12: 15 a.m)

Chapter 12: first rule of fight club

Ryder

I sighed, feelings over whelming me a little bit. I wasn't sure what to make of such feelings in the midst of the situation. It was amusing to know Blaine's father cared about stuff like modesty even for his gay son, though we had never had sex nor was i ready to take that leap we had done other stuff, Friday night for example was the night i received my first ever blow job and i can say it is better than porn could ever prepare you for. But that's beside the point, Mr Anderson, Alec as i had been told to call him would not let the same bed sleeping slide, Brianne had to talk him down from making me sleep in Blaine older brothers room if he ever was to stay over. But there was no way Blaine was aloud to have his boyfriend stay over in his bed. That was the foreboding part of this all that kept me from enjoying the hilarious way Blaine's face reddened when his father talked about sex. Not that i am complaining but the first time i ever meet Blaine's father its as if he automatically assumes i am his boyfriend, granted the bed spooning doesn't help my case but it seemed over the course of the last few weeks my sexual orientation was becoming more and more obvious to more and more people. If it was that obvious to them could it be as obvious to my parents?

I loved how open armed the Anderson's where , but was that worth what i would be losing if my parents found out? It left a empty pit in my stomach that could never go away. " this is war" kitty said breaking my train of thought.

" whats war, why?" i asked following her down the hallway towards the cafeteria.

" unique is about to taste my fist" kitty was more angry then i had ever scene her and she was out for blood.

" well breath" i suggested " first of all, and second what did wade do that was so bad?" she looked at me skeptically and i raised my eyebrow. " kitty?"

" he's spreading rumours" kitty seethed. My eye widened and i calmed myself.

" they're just rumours" i said. She looked at me unbelieving.

" i cant not believe this is coming form you Mr i hate the world" she mocked i rolled my eyes with a smirk.

" maybe i don't hate the world so much after all" i said looking across the cafeteria at Blaine and Sam in line for food.

" yeah well unique is gunning for all of us now" she said. "she told the whole fashion club that i hooked up with Jacob Ben Israel and that is how he got chlamydia!" i almost laughed at the idea who would ever hook up with JBI?

" if she is getting to you with that then maybe i should be the one mocking your courage" i said. " words are wind"

" I'd love to go game of thrones on his ass" she said looking at the drag-queen bee at her table surrounded by a gaggle of gossipy bitches, she spotted us and all of them looked over, i could tell kitty felt alienated and i could see it was not sitting well with her. " this is not okay, this needs to be fixed , like last week"

" kitty seriously, over Jacob Ben..." i said but she pulled me to the corner away from prying ears i could see the worry in her eyes there was more to this.

" Ryder i..." her eyes glossed over and i could see true emotion in her for the first time. "its Sam..." i was confused for a moment until the dead weight of the situation hit me, if wade was spreading rumours about us then she was going to strike where it hurt us most, with me it was alienation, with kitty it was ego so for Sam it could only mean one thing.

"what did she say?" i asked.

" shes saying he took steroids" kitty breathed. " look this could be bad, he was having trouble a few months ago with his fitness and people noticed, if it got to the wrong ears it could end his collage football career before it even starts, McKinley's championship would get revoked there would be a whole investigation"

i wasn't sure what i could say, there was nothing to say " ... what do we do?"

" i don't know" she said " unique is a tough nut to crack, any sort of outright attack verbally or otherwise could be scene as a hate crime and knowing her, easily manipulated"

" otherwise?" i asked " not the point ... look we know the truth and a drug test could prove the truth for Sam... unique has nothing on us she can't pull the hate crime card on me because i have a few cards up my sleeve too" her eyes widened and i felt blush creeping up my face. Had i just said that?

" you would come out to prove uniques guilt?" she asked surprised.

" well...i ... i mean" i stumbled, i cant believe i had just said that would she want me to come out now that i had made it known i would take such lengths to put unique in her place?

" don't worry, no one would ever ask that of you" she said. " we will figure out another way"

" right" i said with a forced grin getting in line to get food. Though i don't know why since it was beef stew that somehow was greyish white in pigment.

" that looks disgusting" Sam said looking down at my plate.

" well that is what a school meal plan lunch looks like" i said looking over at Sam's slice of pizza wishing i had the money of my own to buy some of the good cafeteria food. Blaine had his Beatles lunch box open revealing a tuna sandwich cookies and a banana and apple, it was larger than he usually had.

" i figured you would want something good for lunch today" he said passing me half of the sandwich and two of the four cookies. " banana or apple?"

" banana" i said. " thank you"

" no problem" he said with a warm smile, the kind of smile he reserved for me and me alone.

" gag" kitty said. I scoffed and pressed my leg to his under the table, i appreciated the gesture and i would let him know just how much before the day was threw. Kitty eyed me just to make sure we where on the same page.

" i feel like days are going to be so empty now that glee is over" Blaine said.

" whatever" kitty said careless glaring across the cafeteria at unique. " that ship started sinking the second they switched the nationals from Las Vagas to Cincinnati, lame , and besides, winning isn't fun if you don't like the people you are winning with"

" i couldn't agree more" Sam said. I wondered if he knew the rumours.

At the end of the day Blaine met me at my locker like he always did and i looked around to see how many people noticed. I saw no one looking so i smiled lightheartedly. " i so cant wait to leave this place forever" he said, i felt my face flush and he noticed my state of uncomfortably " i mean... just McKinley"

" and Lima" i said. He frowned so i decided to drop it . " what happened?"

" well apparently i am on drugs now" he said clearly tired of the drama. " i couldn't cope with my and Kurt's break up so i started doing drugs..."

" who's coming up with this stuff?" i asked at the end of my leash with unique's rumours.

" honestly, right now Marley could be really helpful" he confessed " as annoying as she is , she was good a defusing situations like this one"

" do you think unique would care?" i asked " she already knocked her to the ground and fractured her hip would she really listen to her reason, is she willing to anymore?" he grunted in anger at the whole situation.

" this has just gone way to far" he said " how has Mr Schue let this go on?"

i turned to him and shook my head in doubt. " Mr Schue cant do anything for us now, glee is done and next year its majority is going to be unique and Jake and all of the people who suck"

" I'm sorry" he said sad.

" what are you sorry for?" i asked " you haven't done anything wrong"

" I'm sorry your first year of glee wasn't as good as mine" i shrugged it off, but i couldn't agree more that i wished this whole year had gone a little bit differently, i wish i could have let go of catfish when i had the opportunity i wish i had not pursued Marley and then maybe Jake and i would be friends.

" so am i" i said sadly

We walked towards the doors and once again i almost felt like grabbing his hand and warping it in mine. If i was graduating in a week maybe i could have that luxury. " so can i interest you in dinner at my place tonight?"

" anything is better than frozen pizza" i said knowing that was all i would be likely to get since it was all we really had besides milk and bread.

" i bet, she is attempting to make sushi and i need back up to convince her to order pizza if its a sinking ship" he explained.

" your mom has a lot of free time" i said knowing she was a stay at home mom, my mother worked 16 hours a week at the cougar den in down town Lima yet still had never managed to do anything creative or motherly besides keep my psychotic father away from me. " I'll tell my mom i will be at Sam's" Sam had offered to be our cover story any time we needed after i told him about our mothers face off.

" awesome" he said. " oh and my dad wont be home till 7 so... making out will be commenced for the next three and a half hours"

" i can't argue with that" i said with a sneaky grin. We where right in front of the door when i heard the sound of sneakers behind us. I turned suddenly and felt a flash of cold in my face. "ahhhh"

" who...?" Blaine said wiping his eyes. I looked up to see the retreating form of Tina and Joe... Joe of all people had thrown a slushie in our faces and it stung worse than the ice and sugar.

" fuck you!" i screamed, people in the corridor staring like cats in an ally. I kicked the plastic cup and sent it barrelling down the hallway. Blaine looked defeated and betrayed, Tina and him had once been best friends and now they where bitter enemies... because of me.

" lets just go" he said silently.

" tomorrow retaliation" i said.

" no" he said, i couldn't believe my ears.

" no?!" i asked " why should we..."

" when glee members start throwing slushies we become exactly the kind of people we claim oppress us..." he said i couldn't tell if the tears where from the hurt in his heart or the corn syrup in his eyes. " i wont become that, neither will you" for the first time i couldn't help myself and i took his hand in mine and squeezed, i didn't care who was looking his eyes met mine and his grim demeanour changed slightly.

" hold on" i said.

" if i ever get a tattoo" he chuckled, we left the mess of slush behind and left to Blaine's house. When we got home i could see the heart break on Brieanne's face at seeing us wet and sticky.

" hard day boys?" she asked sympathetically.

I shrugged. " to say the least" Blaine supplied.

She sent us to have a shower and than stopped us to specify that we where to do so separately which i could tell annoyed Blaine since it was neither of our intentions. " i will never be trusted again..." i waited on the bed while Blaine showered , just waiting in my underwear my soiled cloths on the ground. I watched the steam escape the washroom and Blaine exit in only a towel. I took my shower next and felt a lot more fresh doing so, when i came out he was still in his towel, he was leaning back on the bed and i felt around eyes staring me up and down.

" if your dad comes home..." i said but he wouldn't hear it. He grabbed my arm pulling me down onto of him.

" i don't care" he kissed me and we removed the towels vulnerable of his mother came down the stairs we got each other off and then lay there for a few minutes. We decided to dress and then go upstairs for dinner and found Brieanne standing at the door. " what is it mom?" Blaine asked

she turned around with a mixture of fear and anticipation holing a white envelope. "its from nyada" she said her grin growing as the realization that the time was here and i felt the nerves radiating off of him. I grabbed his shoulders from behind comfortingly massaging him.

" no matter what you're awesome" i said " but you are getting in for sure" i was not entirely sure that was true , Kurt didn't get in the first time he tried i was nervous enough.

" thanks" he took the envelope from his mom as we looked on in anticipation Blaine looked so nervous as he tore into it delicately taking the letter from its confines. He unfolded it in what felt like slow motion and his eyes began to scan the page. Part of me was sad knowing he was going to be so far and we where just getting started, i wished i could go with him instead of losing him. But this was his dream , he wanted this for so long and he deserves it, my feelings put aside he deserved this and i would deal with the distance, it would hurt but i would deal. " i dint get in" he said to my shock, his mom covered her mouth.

" no" she said , as if he wasn't telling the truth. I found it almost to hard to believe, how had Blaine Anderson one of the most talented people i know not get into nyada? It was mind boggling and annoying, he worked so hard and someone who had heard him sing twice had decided he wasn't good enough.

" its okay" he said stone faced, we looked at him confused. " its okay, its not the end of the world" i wanted to tell him it was okay to not be perfect for a second but i wasn't sure he was even that bothered, i mean this was what he wanted and now the dream was over.

" okay" his mother said cautiously. " how about i take you guys to breadstix have dad meet us?"

" that sounds amazing" Blaine said with a smile. I couldn't really believe he was being so cool about this,he even called breadstix amazing, was he really for the sake of his mom and i or was he just hiding his true feelings?

" alright then I'll meet you guys at the car" Blaine and i walked out the front door and towards the car.

" are you sure you are alright?" i asked him he gave me a long look.

" can we talk about it later?" he asked. I nodded, his mom was on the way and anything he wanted to say to me he didn't want to say in front of her. " we will talk i just ... lets go eat"

We waited for 15 minutes before brieanne broke and ordered calamari and mozzarella sticks. " your father is always late" she said shunting the menu. " Blaine would you like me to order you a drink?" she said with a smile.

" mom!" he said " no..." we sat there awkwardly as we waited for Mr Anderson whom i had barely scene since the talk.

" okay okay, i was just asking" she said " might pick you up"

" i don't need to be picked up I'm fine" he said irritated.

" yes, of course you are, my son always has a level head" she was over worrying about it and it was clearly annoying Blaine more, i think all he wanted was to stop talking about it and just eat dinner but we both knew that was not going to happen. " there are always other options.

" mom if i had known all we where going to talk about was this then i wouldn't have agreed to come to dinner" he said plainly she nodded her head and sipped her water.

" can i take your drink order?"

" one house red" brieanne said.

" root beer" Blaine said

" same" Ryder said we sat there in silence for a few minutes as we waited on our drinks. I felt like i was walking on glass, was he truly okay or was he dying inside? I wanted to hold him squeeze him tight and tell him everything will be okay he can still go to new york, he had still applied for nyu, his life was not over. " look Blaine"

" don't" he said

" Blaine" his mother said

" would everyone please stop saying my name like its unreasonable form me to not be upset, i said i am fine I'm fine leave it alone"

" yeah your doing a real good job of showing us how fine you are" i said just as venomously. Brieanne looked at me surprised, but let me speak knowing it was only because i cared. "when you are ready to talk"

" I'll make sure i come and find you" he said cutting me off stone faced. I sat there silently wishing i hadn't pushed his buttons, it was him going threw this not me, so i had no place but to be sportive weather he was being stubbornly okay or breaking down like i knew he wanted too. When Blaine's father arrived there was a new air of awkwardness because he came with good news that had him in a state of joy.

" family, and Ryder" he said " it could not be a more wonderful day in the life of the Anderson family" brieanne smiled optimistically at the irony of the situation.

" well honey i wouldn't say that" she said looking at Blaine who was staring at the bottom of his cup.

" but you haven't heard my amazing news" he said sitting down at the table but first signalling to the waitress. " a bottle of your finest"

" sparkling apple cider?" Blaine mocked. His dad gave him a testing look.

" now Blaine don't be glib , because your father just landed the mall of America partnership" he said, Blaine's mother erupted in joy.

" that's wonderful sweet heart" she gushed. I looked at Blaine who i knew inside was taring himself down. I knew this was the last thing he needed, Anderson's where always successful, he had told me, his brother Cooper , his aunts and uncles and his father and even his mother striving to be the best mom , but Blaine hadn't followed that winning spirit he had not been successful and to have his father come here boasting of his success, even if it was unknown still hurt Blaine.

" congratulations Mr Anderson" i said, he smiled knowingly at me once more, that sly threatening smile that every boy probably gets.

" well thank you Ryder" he said. " i just wish my son shared that enthusiasm" Blaine sighed irritated and forced a grin.

" congrats dad" he said sarcastically. " once again you are awesome"

His dad studied him in silence, i wanted to put my arm on Blaine's to get him from saying something stupid but i didn't know what would happen if i did, i had never scene Blaine angry or out of control, but this warranted a break down.

" well i don't think that is entirely nice Blaine" his father said pointedly. " this means a lot to me"

" Alec lets just..." Brieanne

" no, what is it that you find such a turn off about my news?" Blaine groaned in anger.

" well maybe if you stopped thinking about yourself for one second you would know it has nothing to do with you" he spat. " that in fact i have some wonderful news of my own, i didn't get into nyada" Alec sat there in silence while Brieanne buried her face in her hands, this was the last thing she wanted as well, i was aware about the history between Blaine and his dad, Blaine's father had always expected nothing but the best and it had always been a stress to Blaine who always strives to be the best but occasionally fell short. "so I'm sorry i don't want to sit here and lick your boots for being Mr perfect Anderson sales manager" he pushed out of his seat and stormed away, his father still sat there eyes glossed and unbelieving.

" Ryder" Brieanne said. " go after him please" she slid the keys across the table. " make sure he comes home tonight"

" of course" i said getting up and following him out of the restaurant, a few people had stopped to watch but i ignored them, small towns bread nosey people. " Blaine..." i said as i gained on him walking away form bread sticks. " where are you going to go, out into the middle of a field?"

" just leave me alone" he said walking away from me without turning around. I scoffed hot on his trail.

" if you think i am letting you walk down a dark country road by yourself, you are crazy" i said refusing to give in to his stubbornness. " contrary to what you think it works both ways Anderson, you can break down to me, just like i have opened up and broken down to you"

" what do you want?" he asked turning around. " do you want me to be upset, will it make you feel better knowing i am actually devastated that i didn't get into nyada?" he screamed. " well i am, i am angry are you happy?"

" no, I'm not happy, nothing about seeing you cry is happy" i said " but its not the end of the world Blaine, and no one is going to stop you from feeling like it is, just let me be the one who holds you and tells you it will get better" before i could even finish the sentence he was in my arms squeezing me tight crying into my shoulder. " your mom gave me your keys, lets just go home" she sniffed and looked at me with puffy eyes nodding, we walked back to his car and drove back to his house, we just lay on the bed he leaned into my chest and breathed in and out, every now and then i would feel the vibration of hi-cups or tremors from a new wave of heart break but i held him close and told him i would be here till he felt better.

It was nearing nine and i knew had to leave lest i get home late and have to face my father who was growing restless as the days grew hotter. " i should go soon"

" i wish you didn't have too" he said into my chest. " i wish you could just live here"

" don't put ideas into my head" i joked. " but i do have to go"

" nooooo" he said groggy, he adjusted himself so our eyes met and i smiled. " before you go, i just... i love you" i felt coldness running up my spine my face growing red and it was the oddest most sensational feeling i had ever felt threw the course of my body. No one had ever told me that before, not even my mother or father sadly, my mother had constantly told me my father loved me but had never taken the time to actually tell me herself. I felt so high, obviously i was doing something right.

" i... i love you too" he scooted up and stole a quick kiss.

" i just wanted you to know that" he said laying his head back on my chest i kissed the top of his forehead and pulled him in for one last snuggle. He clung to me humming into my chest _is this love_ by Bob Marley. The vibrations of his voice sent me into a trance and somehow i closed my eyes. When i woke up my heart jumped into my throat. Blaine was asleep beside me curled up, his face still a Little red from crying, how long had i slept? I knew it didn't matter, i looked at my cell phone 11: 45, shit. The Anderson house was silent, but their shoes and keys where there when i got to the top of the stairs so i guess they had let us sleep in the bed together out of the moral support Blaine needed from me. It figures this all couldn't have gone down on a Friday, instead it was Wednesday and i had missed curfew by two almost three hours. I felt my heart palpitating, in my chest i was fucked, i was genuinely fucked and i almost wanted to stay here. i felt the nerves sending tears to my eyes. I didn't really have a choice so i shook Blaine awake.

" Blaine... wake up" he looked gradually up at me and then sat up alert.

" Ryder, whats wrong, what time is it?" he asked.

" i fell asleep" i said getting panicked. " i can't go home, i can't not go home!"

" Ryder just calm down okay?" he said rubbing my back . " ill drive you over if you need to leave I'll wait around the corner for you" i had no doubt this would not end well, this night was not going to end well and it may just put me right back into a position i never wanted to be in again.

" i don't know if i want to do this" i said " if i stay.."

" your parents might call the cops" Blaine said matter of factually. " your bruise is barely recognizable , he didn't hit you this time" him reminding me of that only made it all set in more, either way it was not going to turn out well for me. " Ryder, I'm not going to let you get hurt, i promise" i was conflicted in so many ways but i nodded unable to put into words the fears i was facing right now. " just ... go wait in the car, I'm going to go tell my parents I'm driving you home"

" okay" i followed his instruction sitting in the passenger seat of his car. The silence was unbearable, waiting for Blaine was unbearable. My heart wouldn't stop pounding, and my breaths where short and suffocating, i was having an anxiety attack in Blaine's car by my self, i beat the back of my head against the head rest while biting my sweater hard, i screamed loudly letting out tears of both fear and and endless tiredness. I felt a pair off strong arms around me.

" shh, babe I'm here" Blaine said holding me tight. I could here the heartbreak in his voice. " i'm never going to let him hurt you, ever again Ryder, i swear i will get you out of there" his words of comfort did more then he he thought, but my mind was plagued by the horrors of my childhood, mental abuse physical abuse, it was all coming to a breaking point here and now while i was breaking my curfew.

" i... i just , i wish i was never born" i cried, " i wish i was someone else, somewhere else"

" i felt that way once" he said " but it can get better"

" how?!" i said unconvinced and scared. " they're my parents, i can never escape them!"

" yes you can" he said looking at me sincerely. " look if you don't want to go" i wiped my eyes.

" no , you're right" i said thinking of the even worse repercussions of not going home for the night. " i should go home"

" okay" he said letting go of me and starting the car. " just remember, I'm not going to let you get hurt" we drove in silence and the pit of nerves grew larger the closer we got to my house, part of me preyed the house was dark and my parents fast asleep but i knew it was only wishful thinking. In fact every light in my house was on and i knew that it was not good for me. " I'll be here"

I looked at Blaine longingly before getting out of the car, i knew my eyes where puffy and hopefully my mother would think i was upset or something and i could make up some excuse as to why i was so upset and they would go easy on me, but the fire in my fathers eyes when i walked threw the door dashed that hope. " where the fuck have you been?!" he asked superior. " you little fucking shit"

" Ryder!" my mom said drunk off of her face. " you think you make the rules huh?" my father got to his feet from the couch.

" I'm sorry" i said steeping away.

" you're going to be sorry" he said stepping towards me " you think you can just stay out till whenever you want fuck us fuck our authority" i stepped away more which only made him more angry. " where the fuck do you think you are going punk, I'm talking to you!" he grabbed my arm tight, i felt something shift and cried out. His fist was about to connect to my cheek when a clawed hand caught it. I looked behind me to see Blaine's hand coming forward and colliding into my father's nose, he stumbled backward surprised blood trickling from his nose. I slipped down the wall clutching my wrist that felt at least sprained. Blaine threw himself at my dad right into the glass wall unit, the whole structure shattered and my mother got hysterical.  
" who the hell are you!?" she cried " get out of my house, mugger" Blaine grinned sending another right hook to my fathers jaw and then a swift left to his ribs sending him buckling to the ground. Then i felt my stomach clench as he sent a hard kick to his jaw, my mother howled as if she had been struck herself she collapsed to the ground as the blood splattered onto the hardwood floor, i was in complete shock at the superman who had come to my rescue. " get out!"

" shut the fuck up!" Blaine said madder then i had ever scene him. " and you" Blaine grabbed my dads hair and picked up his head. " you will never lay a hand on him again, ever! Do you here me?" he dropped his face onto the ground and then turned around to look at me with a look of reassurance, _i wont let you get hurt_, he had told me a million times. " or so help me god i will have the cops at your door with witnesses and the governor of Ohio, but not before i press your smug fucking face to the same burner that will leave a scar on Ryder's shoulder for ever" he turned around fully and walked over to me, i was in a daze, my mother was still screaming for Blaine to get out, my father groaned in pain that he had only ever served to me, i got to my feet and Blaine took my hand in his. "lets go, i'd suggest not calling the cops, not unless you want child services at your door tomorrow morning" i followed him in a state of shock out of my house and back to the car that had never moved from when i had gotten out of it.

We drove back to his house and he washed his swollen hands. " i love you" i said wrapping my arms around his bare chest as he stood at his bathroom sink. I kissed his neck. " and thank you, i have no remorse"

" you shouldn't" he said still unable to smile, i had scene a side of him i had never scene and even though it scared me, it exhilarated me so intensely. " i love you too"

" where... did you learn to fight like that?"

" first rule of fight club..."

A/N: so this is the mid way point of the story, the last bit is a testament to how serious it is going to get, this might also be my favourite chapter besides the once where i pov kitty, i love that bitch. Anyway enjoy this chapter review thanks!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: i don't own glee, i just like the hot boys of McKinley

chapter 13: as we go on we remember

Blaine

It was the last day, i couldn't believe it was my last day of high school ever, and i was walking away with a different boyfriend then i thought, with different friends then i thought and a completely different outlook on life then i had when i walked threw the doors of McKinley at the beginning of the 11th grade. Ryder and i hadn't talked about what happened a few nights ago, i didn't want him to even go back but he assured me he was safe for now, and low and behold when he went home his father sat sombrely at the dinner table and said not a word, Ryder told me he had nothing to worry about and i trusted him when he said that. I felt incredible for some reason, i have never resorted to violence in my life but this time i felt i had done the right thing. The next day i told Ryder i would teach him some moves for when i am not there to protect him, he was convinced his abuse days where over, but you cant teach an old dog new tricks and i saw it as only being matter of time before his father does something else. I persisted.

But now, i was sitting in Spanish class while students played hang man and cell phone brick beaker. I kind of just wanted to leave. I was done with this school and there was nothing keeping me here anymore, no glee no cheerios nothing worth remembering no friends worth keeping, well besides Sam and kitty, and of course Ryder was in a whole other league, if there was one silver lining to not going to new york it was figuring out where my relationship with Ryder was going to go. The bell rang and i ticked one more class off of the list. I nearly ran right into Sam as Tina bumped me, i rolled my eyes at her immaturity.

" Tina can i sign your yearbook?" Sam called " dear Tina, you are a treacherous bitch, have a horrible summer and change drastically" she glared at him.

" screw you Sam!" she said " cant wait to never see the two of you again"

" cant wait to see how mediocre you become in the music industry" i said she looked hurt but i was beyond caring , not after the slushie hit.

" well from what i hear you are the one who isn't going anywhere musically" she said satisfied.

" wow it must be so great that you have finally found those true colours tina" i said cutting her off before she could rebut. " but as far as we are concerned, the feeling is mutual and i cant wait to never see you again" she shook her head seething and Sam made a fart noise.

" beat it Tina Cohen SUCK MY WANG!" there was a small audience in the hall way but other than that no one had scene the altercation. " that bitch"

" ugh i don't even care anymore" i said. " i can barely wait to leave this place"

" so lets go" i heard from behind me. I turned around to see Ryder standing there with kitty and sugar.

" its the last day of school and there is one more class left, i don't think anyone will miss us" kitty said. " and i don't know why she is here" sugar stuck out like a soar thumb.

" look, I'm not mean, i don't want to look mean because other people are mean, so I'm so over unique and next year I'm going to make sure glee becomes the club it was always meant to be"

" we all are" Ryder said with a loving smile.

" that's nice to hear sugar" i said

" i think that's a great idea" we all turned to see Marley in a wheel chair wheeling towards us.

" Marley you're here" i said surprised to see the little brunette.

" i couldn't miss the last day of school" she gushed. " although there are allot of vicious rumours about my relationship with Jake that I'm pretty angry about"

" that would be unique" kitty said dryly ." home girl is saying bad things about anyone who is loyal to Ryder"

" then its war" Marley said satisfied that at least she had stood up to unique, even thoguh it did cost disbanding glee and forfeiting nationals and braking her hip.

" i swear he should be punished for this" Sam chimed in.

" it wouldn't work, unique has rest of the club to back her that it was just an accident, unique also had friends on the basketball team and cheerios" kitty said

" yeah and i here he is trying out for foot ball next year" Ryder said " its going to be an uphill battle"

" but next year lets take down that bitch" she said. We all left the school, me feeling a sense of loss knowing i would not be here next year to see it all but Ryder will, i suppose hearing it all from him is better then nothing. We decided to all sit on the bleachers and talk about where we planed on being next year and what we wanted to accomplish.

" i want to find a boyfriend next year" kitty said, Sam blushed profusely and she rolled her eyes.

" i never knew you could be so modest" i shot, she glared at me.

" sometimes i feel like ruling the school could be a two person job" she said " and besides, some people make dateing look so fun, her eyes fell on Ryder and i nearly choked. Marley and sugar didn't know about us and it would stay like that for as long as it needed to. School was over for me so it would make it somewhat easier.

" i want to run the social committee" sugar said " I'm a senior now, i deserve such responsibility"

" good for you sugar" i said " take what' rightfully belongs to you"

" i want to return glee club to its former glory, with real artists working together towards a common goal ... no fame seekers or glory hogs" Ryder said " i think if everyone realized how good they could be if they worked together i think it could be a better glee club then it has ever been"

i found the testament noble and wanted to clasp his hand in mine, but knew now was no time. " that's a glee club i could be a part of" Marley said. " and come to think of it, i think that's my goal too , well besides being more confident in myself"

" well for the record" kitty said " I'm sorry if i ever made you doubt that confidence"

" oh kitty" she said " thank you , but i remember your a apology still from the fake shooting episode"

" yeah what was with that?" Ryder asked.

" ugh" i groaned. " i think it was just someones way of teaching a lesson surrounding a serious issue in the media while not actually hurting anyone in the process..."

" why do they always ruin such plot potential?" kitty asked exasperated.

" what the hell are you guys talking about?" Sam asked confused.

" never mind" i said brushing it off. " so what are your goals for next year Sam?"

he chewed his lip and looked away.

" its not important" he said with a shrug.

" come on we are all sharing" Marley said " just spit it out"

He looked at the group of us, he knew he could trust Ryder kitty and i about anything, the four of us had bonded these last few weeks. " I'll be joining the rest of you back at McKinley" he said feebly.

" why?!" i asked

" because i failed three of my classes this semester and two of them i cant retake in summer school so..."

" you aren't graduating" kitty finished.

" no, I'm not" he said irritated " happy everyone? I'm just as dumb as i look"

" Sam why didn't you tell me i could have helped you!" i said he shook his head emotionally sucking his teeth like the question was completely ludicrous.

" because Blaine" he said sarcastically. " its embarrassing to be this dumb"

" you're not dumb!" kitty said silencing Sam, we all looked at her unbelieving. " well its true, your not dumb, it doesn't matter if you suck at math or spelling or if you don't know the difference between the nucleus and the mitochondria , that doesn't make you stupid, you are smart in all of the right ways and that is all that matters, plus you are hot so you can get anything"

" and you lost me" Marley said, we all laughed and even Sam cracked a smile, and it evens seemed as though kitty's goal may be accomplish. " finally, Blaine, do your dreams begin now that school ends?" i sighed, thinking about not getting into nyada was like a double edged sword, thoughts of why i didn't get in plagued my mind , yet now i could see where this wonderful and worrisome romance with Ryder would go.

" not necessarally" i frowned. " i didn't get into nyada" it was the first time i had told anyone besides Ryder who knew from being there, it was the first time i was letting myself admit it. " but its okay, because its not the end of the world, i can reapply when i am ready and until then , i can explore other options, I've never had so much freedom but i think i can handle it" i eyed Ryder and he looked pleased as pudding at the idea of me not jumping on a plain to new york , and part of me was too.

" well, that sucks" kitty said, it did and it didn't.

" yeah sorry Blaine" Marley said throwing an arm around me. " you are always welcome to come visit"

" he may have cause too" Sam jibed, i looked exasperatedly at him and kitty scoffed.

" what is this inside joke we're not a part of?" sugar asked with an Innocent smile.

" its noting" i said.

Later that night at my house, i could feel Ryder's nervousness radiating off of him. I wondered what was on his mind but wasn't sure if i wanted to know, usually whenever one of us had something to tell the other it always complicated things, was it bad if i wanted to let it just slide, did it make me a bad boyfriend to not want to hear his problem? if that even is whats getting to him. "Whats wrong?" i caved.

" nothing" he evaded.

" is it because Sam and kitty almost outed us to Marley and sugar, because if that's what it is then..."

" its not that" he interrupted.

" so there is an it" i said cuddling into him more. He looked up at me from where his head was on my shoulder.

" I'm nervous about this whole banquet thing" he confessed, i sighed sitting up , he shifted his body to join me. " i just, what if its not good enough , what if my story looks completely childish compared so the others?"

" has anyone ever told you you worry to much?" i asked humorously

" have you met me?" he asked

" look, i have faith in your talent Ryder, i know you have a lot of doubts but that was because you where raised to believe you cant, you are so used to people putting you down that you put yourself down" he stared off into space but i knew he was listening to me. "take Rachel Barry for example, everyone used to make fun of her, but it was because she was the most talented person any of them had ever met, and she knew that" he bit his lip which was a sign he was still unconvinced. " do you think Jake would be so threatened by you if you weren't a great guy who could give him a run for his money in both looks and talent?"

" i guess not" he said agreeing for the sake of agreeing.

" Ryder ... why would someone somewhere enter your story in the regional creative writing competition, late i might add , if they didn't think you had what it takes to win?" he thought on what i had to say.

" you always know the right thing to say" he sighed kissing my cheek, i turned my head quickly and captured his lips in a soft kiss and followed it up by another.

" i know" he scoffed at my lack of modestly. " and we are all going to be cheering for you"

he kissed me again.

" you're the best, seriously i don't know what i would do without you" he laid his head back on my shoulder and we dozed as i thought about the future, it was foggy and i don't know where Ryder fit into it but clearly his future had me in it. I wasn't sure how to feel about him being so reliant on me, i know in relationships you have to rely on each other but if chance should have it that i do decide to leave before the two years it is going to take him to graduate, i wonder if Ryder will manage to cope. I had no imitate plans now that i wasn't getting into nyada, i could see myself Rydering it out.

I woke up to my stomach rumbling and realized we had slept threw the night, Ryder was curled up in my arms and i kissed the back of his neck which caused his skin to cover with goose bumps he shivered and giggled. " stop it, I'm still sleepy"

" we have exams, me world history, you..."

" math math math math math" he said quietly as if he had fallen back asleep.

" I'm freaking hungry, wanna go to the coffee bean before we have to be back at school?" even though yesterday had been the last day of school today was the first day of exams and i had one right at 9. we both got dressed, Ryder in some cloths he had left here, my mom let us sleep in the bed together since my dad was in Minneapolis with work for the week. We got ready and then brushed our teeth in tandem, we left and went to the Lima bean. It was busy with people getting ready to go to work, there where a few Dalton guys at a table that i would have normally gone and talked to but not getting into nyada was always going to make conversations with anyone awkward for me.

It seems when you graduate from high school everyone wants to know where you are going next and that was something i had yet to decide. We each got a muffin, i got a late and ryder got a hot chocolate.

" I'm looking forward to summer just starting already" he said " get, everything over with , get this banquet over with, your grad, exams, and just chill" it would be nice to get to spend more time with him, though it wasn't like we didn't already hang out enough, but there was a list of things we never had time to do , for example Ryder loves video games, i had never been a huge fan but he praises some games as better than movies so we planed on playing all three uncharted games and one called heavy rain, plus i could teach him to swim, or we could just make out, thinking about it made me agree with him all the more.

" Blaine...?" i heard a scratchy voice from behind ask. I turned around suddenly and saw Kurt standing timidly away from our table. He looked like he had been crying and my heart clenched. I looked back at Ryder and he stared sombrely down at his carrot muffin.

" Kurt you're home" i said.

" yeah, just to visit dad and Carroll you know?" he said nodding, he looked sadder then i had scene him since we had broken up. Part of me wanted to take him into my arms but then i remembered Ryder sitting here, what was wrong with me? " can i maybe sit?"

" of course" Ryder said with a warm smile, it must have taken a lot out of him to do that.

" thank you Ryder" Kurt said with a kind smile and I'm sorry , about that night , puck..."

" Ryder didn't hook up with Quinn" i said rushing straight to Ryder's defence, Kurt looked almost alarmed but smiled.

" i know it was just a vicious rumour" he said " Quinn cleared the air, everyone , including puck feels awful" it was nice to hear justice can sometimes prevail, no one could deny Ryder deserved a cathartic moment on all of their behalf. " obviously you two have become close"

i nodded wondering what the voice in his head was telling him. " Kurt, not to sound forward but, are you alright?" i asked, he frowned and then sighed.

" i didn't realize i still look a mess" he said, he looked at Ryder for a moment before turning back to me. " i guess some things just cant last forever you know?" he smiled genuinely and sipped his coffee.

" i know what you mean" i said , not knowing entirely what he meant. Was this him and i finally coming to our conclusion or had he just broken up with Adam? And if if it was the latter what did it mean for us? I felt another shot of guilt and breathed in heavily, what was seriously wrong with me?

" well as much as we would like to stay" i said standing " we have exams so we should not be late for that" i couldn't be out of here quick enough , anytime i saw him i felt feelings i thought i could be over, i thought i was over. And now he may be over with Adam and doubt was suddenly plaguing my mind. I walked away from the table not looking back and got into the car quickly, i waited for Ryder who came along a few seconds later. He didn't say a word and it was like that until we pulled into school.

Ryder

Seeing Kurt crying made me almost want to cry, it only meant complications for Blaine and i, was it selfish to keep them apart, was Blaine rushing out him showing me that he was over Kurt or was he just to overwhelmed with the prospect of a chance at getting back with Kurt? Was i being paranoid? I mean Kurt hadn't said he and Adam where over, but he had been crying and what did " some things cant last for ever" mean? I was so confused and it kept me silent for the whole ride over, he was quiet too and didn't try to make conversation. It was hard because this was the one subject where we couldn't talk to each other about how we felt, i had no desire to discuss Blaine's ex boyfriend, maybe once when we had danced around our feelings and each other posing as friends, but now we where together and Kurt was his past, even if we where still in the closet as far as the relationship went it was still real and i was not okay with Kurt pushing his way in because things didn't work out with his rebound. Was i a rebound?

The engine stopped " oh no" Blaine said long and dragged out. My eyes followed his towards a group of students gathering. " this isn't good"

We both got out of the car and rushed over to Sam who was standing close to the front of the crowd. When we got to the front of the crowd we finally saw what the commotion was. There was a group of cheerios surrounding unique with kitty at its head holding unique's wig over her head, her face was running with makeup and she was pinned up to the side of the school. " lets get one thing straight the killer whale formally known as precious" kitty said " i am the top bitch at McKinley"

even though i knew i wanted this none of it felt right, seeing unique demoralized and alone was supposed to be payment for all of the crap she had done, but this wasn't right at all, i turned to Blaine who looked as if he had come to the same conclusion. This would not help anything, this needed to be handled correctly and there was only one way. " i have finish this" i mumbled, Blaine looked at me.

" what?" he asked but i had already stepped forward.

" kitty stop it!" i said " leave her alone" kitty turned around and scoffed incredulously.

" excuse me?" she asked " what is wrong with you, you more then anyone should want this, shes been terrorizing you for the better part of the last month!"

" and if we do the same to her how are we better?" i asked, the crowd silenced and the egging on and rowdy behaviour secede. " we are better then humiliating each other"

" you're such an idiot Ryder" she hissed " you get revenge served to you on a silver platter and you're to big for it?" she dropped the wig and walked towards me. " i thought we where on the same side"

" i don't pick sides, and i am not on one" i said Blaine stood by me.

" i thought i was on yours" she said spitefully. " i wont forget this" she walked away and her cheerios followed her, unique was bent over picking up her wig and for the first time in all of this i felt pity for her, all unique wants to do is fit in, underneath it all she is just an awkward teen trying to be themselves. The crowd dispersed and it was just me sam and Blaine and unique adjusting her wig.

" great we're now on kitty's bad side" Sam said dryly.

" you two are" Blaine said " I'm graduated"

I ignored both of the boys and walked towards unique. " i think we need to talk" i said, she looked at me timidly for a moment and then raised a confused eyebrow.

" why would you ever want to talk to me?" she asked pained " after all i have put you threw?" i thought for a moment before responding.

" because" i said " you where just scared, i see that now, you made a mistake and you where scared people would hate you" she stood there looking down and it made sense and i was a fool to have taken this long to realize. " i get it sometimes you just... you are in a place where you have dug to deep a hole and you feel like the only way out is to dig out the other side, I've been there, but i found my way back and i am better for it and i forgive you for Katie, i forgive you for hating me afterwards" she looked at me as if i was about to throw in a catch, but there was no catch, maybe threw forgiveness and atonement we can move on and end this feud.

" why?" she asked clearly not understanding, and it was something i hadn't understood for a long time either until i saw her against the wall.

" because you are one of the best friends i have ever had" i said with an unexpected grin. "but i didn't even know it, and I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time about it"

" Th-thank you" she said, she looked over at the school doors " exams..."

" see you then" i said feeling good. It clearly caught her off guard and i knew unique was doing some real soul searching. Blaine walked up behind me.

" I'm so incredibly proud of you" he said squeezing my shoulder. " you are amazing, i love you so much"

" okay enough" Sam said exasperated. " lose my breakfast much?"

" well i said i wanted to return the glee club to its former glory right?" i asked ignoring Sam.

" we are going to need that voice" Sam agreed.

I smiled, maybe next semester wont be so bad after all.

A/N: so glee season 5 started off meh, they never touched in on Ryder and unique's situation which kind of irritated me, seeing as how Ryder quit in the finally yet was still a part of the club in the premiere, but that's just glee taking big plot potential and brushing it under the rug **( Quinn's wheelchair stint)** . But what saved the episode for me was the proposal, i almost cried when he was coming down the stairs in Dalton and my mom was like what are you on about? And i was like this is where they first met! It almost makes me want to write a klaine fic.

The reason i have never is because i don't want to rewrite Kurt and Blaine, that pairing already exists on the show and i feel part of fan fiction is writing something you know will never exist in real life so that's why i prefer, blam, kum, ryane...

it was around this chapter that i changed things significantly, like i said i always knew where i wanted this story to go i just didn't know how it was going to get there and i have finally figured it out, all i wanna say is the dark themes that have already been introduced in this story will continue, this is a love story but more than that it is a story about Ryder's struggles with abuse and depression so if anything about that makes you feel uncomfortable i would suggest you continue reading this story because these things are real and happen to kids all over the world and ignoring it wont make it stop so i hope you are enjoying this story and continue to enjoy it and i will shut up now ;D review!


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